B.W. COOK -- The Crowd

The Orange County Fair opens tomorrow, and I don’t know about you, but

I am so excited I can hardly wait to be the first one in line for a

cinnamon bun -- frosted, of course.

Actually, maybe I’ll have a Colossal Burger first. That’s the

hamburger that comes with two beef patties, two slices of cheese,

multiple slices of bacon, pastrami and a fried egg -- if you really need

more protein. I love the Colossal Burger. I dream about the Colossal

Burger.

And you know what? The burger trailer is right next to the fried

vegetable stand. Deep fried artichoke hearts, zucchini sticks, mushroom

caps, all with enough ranch dressing to please the hungriest rancher.

I’ve missed the bratwurst stand, but I’m told it’s even better than the

Colossal Burger, so this year I’m going to twist and shout my way to

bratwurst heaven, perhaps making a few stops along the parade route for

grilled corn on the cob, a hot dog on a stick, freshly squeezed country

fair lemonade, barbecued beef sandwich smothered in sauce and two large

funnel cakes with extra powered sugar.

And you thought I only cared about champagne and caviar.

Actually, my favorite part of the Orange County Fair are the animals

and the crops. In other words, prior to eating the results, you get to

see the source.

It’s not just for school children. Seeing baby pigs born and corn

growing as high as an elephant’s eye is a pretty special thing, even for

us city slickers. So let your hair down and go pet a cow, or if you

prefer a baby deer, llama, goat, or pot bellied pig in the children’s

petting zoo (where there are often more big kids than little ones).

Then when you have finished looking at the crops and chomping on your

own Colossal Burger, hit the Midway and bungee jump to your stomach’s and

heart’s content. If that’s not enough, go see a show for free. The fair

always books some of the biggest stars of days gone by.

Last year Evelyn Champagne King sang her heart out for the happy

throng who stopped in at the arena just after they ate their own Colossal

Burgers. This year the lineup of entertainment even surpasses Miss King,

which is no simple act to follow.

If you think I’m poking fun, just try to get in front of me in line

for my Colossal Burger and you will see what serious really means.

Kidding aside, the Orange County Fair 2001 is a real community treasure.

Clean, wholesome, all-American fun for a brief moment in the glory of

midsummer takes us away from a mad world of competition, controversy and

calamity. Make sure you check out the crafts booths, enter a cake

decorating contest and watch a fast talking snake oil salesman

demonstrate the perfect slicer-dicer-mixer or perhaps the strongest

whirlpool on the market today or even the best aluminum siding you can

buy.

There may not be a prize for writing, but there will always be those

battered Australian potatoes with malt vinegar. We intend to spend our

food budget for the rest of the year, and there is no looking back.

Another great Newport-Mesa summer tradition is the annual Hoag

Hospital 552 Club movie premier set for Aug. 16. The event, which

traditionally unfolds at Edwards Big Newport Cinema at Fashion Island,

begins with a strolling dinner in the parking lot at 5 p.m. featuring a

taste from a large assortment of wonderful restaurants in the community,

followed by a 7:30 film premier.

This year, event co-chairs Jim and Patti Edwards and vice-chairman

Dave Snowden will present “Captain Corelli’s Mandolin” starring Nicholas

Cage and Penelope Cruz. Tickets are $50 and funds raised will benefit the

new Women’s Pavilion at Hoag Hospital.

For more information, reservations and tickets, call (949) 574-7208.

Patti Edwards reports that there will be more than 25 of Orange

Counties favorite restaurants serving dinner to the 552 crowd, but there

will not be any Colossal Burgers.

I guess we will just have to get those at the fair. In any event,

between summer at the fair, and dinner and a movie for that great local

community health center, Hoag, who needs Europe? We certainly live the

good life right here on the Orange Coast.

* THE CROWD appears Thursdays and Saturdays.