Reviewing the rides

Young Chang

The real me is cowardly and content to circle around on a

merry-go-round all day.

The wild me is a creation-of-the-moment for you thrill-seeking,

death-daring readers.

These two parts of me rode four rides Friday at the Orange County

Fair. Two were new -- La Grande Wheel and the Euroslide. I also rode the

scary-looking Chaos and the Wilde Maus, which looked in between scary and

mild but turned out . . . well . . . you’ll see. Here are the reviews

from both sides.

La Grande Wheel

Wild me: Totally useless. What’s the point in just sitting on a bench

really up high? Yeah, you can see different cities in different

directions, but at 160 feet, you can’t tell what’s what anyway.

Real me: Peaceful. A nice break from the bustle of the fair. A mobile

skyscraper away from phones, answering machines, computers -- what more

could you want?

The Euroslide

Wild me: Too slow. Too short. Not steep enough. Just a big playground

slide all stuck together and painted different colors.

Real me: Too fast. Too steep. Scary when you’re up there with all

these kids who can’t wait to careen down, and who warn you, because it’s

obvious that you’re a cowardly adult, to hold on.

Chaos

Wild me: Now this is what I call a ride! Bruised-shins, bruised sides

-- I’ve got em all! It whirls, it hurls, it rolls forward and back, and

it doesn’t stop when you think you might vomit.

Real me: Chaos is the right name for this ride. It’s not scary, but

jolts you every which way and makes your hair come out of your ponytail

and your sunglasses almost fall off.

Wilde Maus

Wild me: Lethal! Looks harmless with the childish purple and yellow

roller coaster rails, but scares you like nothing else. Makes you wonder

more than a dozen times in just a few minutes whether you might die. Five

stars.

Real me: Prayed -- really, I did -- “God, please don’t let me die.”

Thought my seat would catapult off at every turn. Walked off trembling.

Can we change the subject?