THE VERDICT -- Robert Gardner

One has few opportunities to meet geniuses during one’s lifetime.

I have met one. His name was Grant Matthews. We met in the Pacific

during World War II. In peacetime, he was a reporter for the San

Francisco Chronicle, but it is as the inventor of the Little Giant Peeker

Outer that he earned his place in the history books.

His invention came about while we were under enemy attack, and

everything was what was called “battened down.”

That meant the portholes were covered with heavy iron plates so the

enemy wouldn’t see our lights. This also meant that we couldn’t see out.

That, in turn, meant we didn’t have the foggiest idea about what was

going on when all those guns were going off and the ship was shaking.

Of course, Grant and I were curious about just what the heck was going

on. Necessity being the mother of invention, that was when Grant rose to

the occasion.

Somewhere, he found a cardboard box that had contained some kind of

Navy equipment. It was about 12 feet long and 6 inches wide. He rolled it

into a 12-foot-long tube, fit it into the port hole, and the Little Giant

Peeker Outer was born.

The tube prevented any light from escaping. Meanwhile, we could stand

at the end of the 12-foot tube and peek out at the battle without getting

court-martialed and sent to the brig for having a porthole uncovered.

I was going to cite Grant for some kind of decoration when an

unfortunate incident intervened. Grant was a professional Irishman and

hated the English. Our admiral was having some British officers as guests

in the watch room.

Grant had been drinking, so he took a pound of butter from our table

and threw it at the British officers. It fell short, landing on the floor

with a splat, then sliding over to the admiral’s shoe.

The admiral looked down at the pound of butter melting beside and into

his shoe and spoke to a Marine colonel at his table who rose, walked to

our table and escorted Grant from the mess hall.

Shortly after that, Grant was transferred to some god-awful spot in

the Aleutians. So much for the inventor of the Little Giant Peeker Outer.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.