STEVE SMITH -- What’s up

Before each baseball season, I tell myself that I am going to invest

in sunflower seed futures. And prior to each AYSO opening day, I make a

note to buy stock in equipment manufacturers. But I never do.

This fall, however, I’ve found a product that will give me a

year-round, ongoing source of revenue -- no more of this seasonal stuff.

This is the year I’m going to invest in shopping carts.

Who knew that missing and stolen shopping carts in Costa Mesa would be

such a bonanza for outside investors? And who knew that at the Vons

supermarket on Adams Avenue and Harbor Boulevard in the Mesa Verde

shopping center, carts would have so many upgrades? Shop there and you

can select a handicapped-friendly one that’s motorized, a limousine-style

cart that holds two kids in a seat the size of my sofa, or a tiny cart

that Junior can toss the Lunchables and Froot Loops that you don’t want

into.

I’ve also read that markets can opt for carts with drink holders,

double-decker baskets and special compartments for fragile items such as

eggs. At one supermarket I visited in Kansas City several years ago, each

turn down a new aisle initiated a signal to alert the cart driver to

store specials, which flashed on a small electric sign mounted on the

basket.

Yes, sir, a broader product line is the key to my financial salvation

and these cart companies have it down pat.

At anywhere between $65 and $125 a pop, these carts are hot. With that

cost, however, comes the few wet blankets that threaten to ruin the trust

fund I’m planning with my cart investment strategy.

On a recent vacation in British Columbia, our family frequented a

Safeway supermarket just around the corner from our rented apartment.

About 10 feet outside the store was a four-foot fence with a gate that

blocked the cart from leaving the premises. Anyone who needs help to

their car simply engages the services of a box boy who can open the gate

to let the cart through and help you with your bags. It was so simple.

And very upsetting to this budding investor.

Then there are people such as my mother. Arriving in Los Angeles in

1963 at the age of 46, she refused to learn how to drive, relying instead

on my father and, a few years later, her teenage sons to take her where

she needed to go. It was a sweet deal for the kids. My brother and I

shared the 1968 Dodge Dart in return for providing my mother with an

occasional ride somewhere. In between her trips with us, my mother walked

to the market. Behind her she always pulled an inexpensive, fold-up

shopping cart into which she’d put her groceries. At 83, my mother still

walks to the market and still uses a fold-up cart. To think my own mother

is standing in the way of my early retirement.

Apparently, the “displaced” carts in Costa Mesa are being used for

everything from carting groceries to homes on wheels for the homeless.

But I’ve seen them used for other purposes. Last semester, for example, I

noticed that the increased workload at Newport-Mesa schools had caused

kids to graduate from backpacks to rolling suitcases in order to carry

their books. But I would swear that outside of Kaiser Elementary School

last June I saw a kid pushing her books in a Ralphs shopping cart.

And just the other day, my Sunday paper was so full of back-to-school

ads that it was delivered in one of those junior carts from Albertson’s.

I know that some Costa Mesans consider the metal shopping carts to be

a blight upon the land, but I do not. Yes, the carts belong in the

stores, but whenever I’ve seen them around the wonderful Westside where

we live, they are always providing a service. Almost always, a mom is

pushing one home, packed with kids and groceries. And when they’re not

being used for transportation, kids turn them over and make a jail to

play in.

But in an effort to appease those who just have to have everything in

its place, I have a solution to the problem of displaced carts. Forget

the schools . . . Let’s take the $2 million from the Segerstroms and

invest in my new product: shopping carts with disposable wheels.

Just imagine -- The cart works great in the store but once exposed to

sunlight for longer than 10 minutes, the wheels dissolve into

biodegradable slime that is even safe to wash down a storm drain.

It’s either this or sunflower seeds.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.