Comments & Curiosities

Peter Buffa

“Twenty-three Hot Things to Do in Orange County This Weekend!” That

has a familiar ring for Internet fans. Every time one signs on to the

great cyber-world, one is bombarded with banners for that sort of thing:

“The Five Best Restaurants in Newport Beach!” “The Best Bargains in

Orange County!” There’s always an exclamation point.

I know these things are bogus and, like most things with exclamation

points, will get around to sticking their snoot in your pockets sooner or

later.

How can an Internet server based in Virginia or Florida know enough

about our little corner of the world to tell me which restaurants or

stores are the best? They can’t. (I’m trying not to sound smug.)

But as we snuggled up to another weekend, I decided to give “23 Hot

Things to Do in Orange County This Weekend!” a try.

The very first “Hot Thing” on the list had an interesting name --

“Brick or Treat.” Interesting, I thought. “Brick or Treat” -- “Trick or

Treat.” Get it? It’s a play on words.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that “Brick or Treat,” a special

event for Halloween, was a hot thing to do at Legoland,which is way down

in the southern part of Orange County called Carlsbad.

Umm, OK. Do you have anything closer? Let’s try shopping. There were

three shopping “Hot Things to Do.” The first was the historic district in

San Juan Capistrano, which really is a bonafide hot thing and a great

Saturday or Sunday jaunt.

The second was a definite insider-only “Hot Thing” -- South Coast

Plaza. Great. Why don’t they just broadcast it? Now everybody will know

about South Coast Plaza.

The third shopping “Hot Thing” was “Gift Finder.” “Tell us just what

type of gift you think they’d like and how much you’d like to spend. Not

only will we give you a great idea, we’ll also tell you where to go to

buy it!”

Note the exclamation point. That thing moving in your pocket is the

snoot to which I referred earlier. Needless to say, the only stores “Gift

Finder” has ever heard of are the ones that pay to be included on their

lists.

There was also a tease to see “The biggest store in Orange County.” Do

you know what the biggest store in Orange County turned out to be? An ad

for eBay. How clever.

The rest of the “23 Hot Things” are movies, a few restaurants and the

Mighty Ducks game, as if you needed them to tell you about a movie or a

Ducks game. Like most things on the Net, what the “23 Hot Things” really

boil down to are the ads, which in this case, are cleverly listed as

“Weekend Offers.”

You can get the special offer for “Delicious Arrowhead Water at Home,”

although something tells me you can probably get the delicious water at

home during the week too. Or you might go for the free night at Lake

Powell, the special cruise offers, PC Club’s back-to-school computer

special or, my personal favorite, the two-for-one offer on your choice of

laser hair removal, derm-abrasion or botox treatments (maximum strength).

I know whenever we can’t decide what to do for the weekend, we’ll just

hang around the house, crank up that laser and remove a few layers of

skin. Definitely a hot thing to do. And here’s an exclusive two-for-one

offer just a click away.

“Brick or Treat,” “Gift Finder” and laser hair removal. The perfect

weekend.

Finally, another Internet-related story that definitely deserves a

special mention. I’ve always believed that even in the darkest, most

terrible moments, something funny will work its way to the surface,

usually sooner than later.

You may have heard the story of Osama bin Laden and Bert. Yes, that’s

Bert as in Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street. Last week, journalists

covering pro-Bin Laden protests in Bangladesh noticed that hundreds of

protestors were holding up the same poster -- a collage of photos of Bin

Laden.

When the reporters got a closer look at the poster, they noticed

something truly bizarre. One photo of Bin Laden had a small but

unmistakable image of Bert looking over Bin Laden’s shoulder. An

enterprising reporter from Associated Press pointed it out to a few

protestors and local authorities who, as one would expect, had no idea

who Bert was or how he got there.

The reporter traced the poster to a local printer by the name of

Mostafa Kamal. The mystery of bin Laden and Bert was cleared up quickly

and has a very familiar ring to those of us who spend lots of time on the

Internet.

When Kamal got the order for the poster, he needed a good quality

photo of bin Laden. He knew he could find hundreds of them on the

Internet and found one website with exactly the photo he wanted. Not

speaking a word of English, Kamal paid no attention to the content of the

website, downloaded the photo and created his poster -- never noticing

the image of Bert peering over bin Laden’s shoulder.

What was lost on Kamal was that the site he found was a clone of a

site called “Bert Is Evil,” a joke Web site started by San Francisco art

student Dino Ignacio in 1996. The site features dumb Bert jokes and gag

photos of Bert with notorious figures throughout history. And that,

through the magic of the Internet and enormous gaps in language and

culture, is how Bert made it from Sesame Street to the streets of

Bangladesh.

While thousands of bin Laden supporters roared in protest, waving

their posters wildly, Bert was everywhere, looking as puzzled as ever. I

gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays.

He may be reached via e-mail at PtrB4@aol.com.