THE VERDICT -- Robert Gardner

Because of something called macular degeneration, I am now classified

as legally blind. It was quite handy at first. When the check came, I

couldn’t see it. Now my friends know better and flash it in front of my

eyes. My lack of eyesight also means I no longer drive. As a result, I

have become very familiar with alternative means of transport.

For a bargain, you can’t beat the bus -- 25 cents if you’re a senior.

It’s the way I get to Laguna Beach when I want to look up my cartoonist

friends who frequent the bars in that town. Much farther than Laguna,

though, and you have to be some kind of genius to figure out all the

different routes, so for longer trips I have used cabs.

I’ve probably just been unlucky in my experience with local cabs, but

despite five pages in the yellow pages boasting of the super service

afforded by various cab companies, it seems to me the taxi service in

Orange County rates just a teeny level behind that of Kirabati, which has

one cab that is marked “out of order.”

My complaint starts with the voice on the phone that assures me the

cab will pick me up within 20 minutes. It’s always 20 minutes no matter

where I am calling from. I guess I should ask 20 minutes from when,

because despite the assurances I’ve never had a cab arrive within 20

minutes. They’ve arrived in 30 minutes, in 40 minutes. Sometimes they

don’t arrive at all.

If I’m lucky enough for the cab to actually show up, invariably the

driver is from Madagascar, doesn’t speak a word of English and doesn’t

know his way around town. I can say Anaheim, I can say Afghanistan, it’s

all the same to him. He doesn’t know where it is. I have learned to take

cabs only to places I know how to get to myself.

So that passengers won’t be cheated when it’s time to pay the fare,

there’s a little gadget on the dashboard that carefully logs each mile

and tells you what you owe. One day, I took a ride from point A to point

B. The fare, according to the little gadget, was $5. The next day I took

the same trip from point A to point B, and the handy little gadget said

the fare was $9. Try protesting to someone who only speaks Madagascarese.

I have learned a lesson from all this: If it’s within Corona del Mar

town limits and I really want to get there, and get there on time, I

walk.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.