THE VERDICT -- Robert Gardner

As I grow older and progressively more senile, I need more and more

assistance remembering things. Thus, I have become almost completely

dependent on the yellow legal tablet on which I keep what amounts to a

daily diary of things to remember. It goes something like this:

1. Open eyes.

This is necessary because if I don’t open my eyes I am going to have

difficulty getting around. More important, I won’t be able to read my

yellow tablet and know what else I’m supposed to do for the day.

2. Get out of bed.

I’m not sure who writes that one in, me or my dog, who thinks I should

spring out of bed at the first light of day and feed her. However, in my

old age, I have discovered the pleasure of sleeping in, and if I didn’t

have that reminder, I would probably spend the rest of my life in bed,

regardless of a hungry beagle.

3. Go into the bathroom.

This is very important because No. 4 on my list is using the bathroom,

and you can see that it becomes quite awkward if I omit No. 3.

5. Get dressed.

Again the order is important. Otherwise, I’ll be traipsing out the

driveway in the nude to pick up the paper (No. 6), and I don’t think the

neighbors are ready for that sight -- not first thing in the morning

anyway.

7. Read paper.

I like to keep up with things, but that’s not why I check the paper

each morning. I look at the paper so I know what day it is. Once I do, I

check my calendar to see what urgent appointments I have for the day. At

89, not many.

After that, I put away the yellow legal tablet. The only other thing

of note is cocktail hour, and that’s the one thing I never forget. When I

have to start writing down, “Have a drink,” then I’ll know it’s time for

the old folks’ home.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.