COMMUNITY COMMENTARY -- Bill Gartner

This is dedicated to my heroes: all of the holiday workers who work

constantly from November through January to serve customers in checkout

stands, meat departments, sales floors and anywhere else that people need

service.

Over the years, I have noticed that I can tell a lot about human

nature through making a few subtle observations during the holiday

shopping season. The following is a gentle reminder that humanity and

insanity have striking similarities.

“So how big of a turkey did you say you wanted, ma’am?” I remember

saying those words as if it were yesterday. Before I became a full-time

pastor, I worked in the grocery business for 11 years as a meat wrapper.

During the holiday season, that meant one thing: turkeys. Sure, there

were hams and pork crown roasts too; sometimes, even a special-cut

boneless rib-eye roast. But for the most part, my closest companions from

Nov. 1 through Dec. 24 were fresh and frozen, two-legged, future dinners.

I had a special “love-hate” relationship with turkeys during the

holidays. Every large grocery chain has its own “special” turkey deal,

which is advertised for a few weeks prior to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

To ensure the volume sales of these “birds,” stores bring in pallets and

pallets of them. It was my job to stack them to the rafters. This meant

that I spent many cold hours inside of freezers and coolers trying to

squeeze in just one more case of turkeys.

“We’re all out of that brand turkey, sir.” The fun part of the

holiday-turkey lunacy was providing the “individual special turkey

orders.” In filling these orders, I got the chance to meet all types of

people. For some families, there was one and only one brand of turkey;

nothing else would do. Ordering their bird was as much of a tradition as

the holidays themselves. Every year, I would be told the horror story of

the year that “dear old dad” bought the wrong brand of turkey and ruined

Thanksgiving for everybody. I always felt kind of sorry for “dear old

dad” during the holidays.

For others, the brand name of the bird wasn’t important as long as the

turkey was fresh. I must have been asked, “How fresh will that turkey

be?” a hundred times every holiday season. I never knew how to answer

that question since turkeys aren’t usually issued death certificates.

“You put what in your holiday turkey stuffing, ma’am?” Then there were

the customers who would enlighten me with stories about the cruel and

harsh treatment that turkeys are put through. I always reassured my

customers that I treated the turkeys in my care with the utmost respect:

I always stacked them neatly and displayed them properly with the weight

and price showing -- the turkeys that is, not the customers. Immediately

following such horrible tales, these specific customers always made sure

to order the largest turkey available. Then, they would usually regale me

with tales of their favorite holiday turkey recipes. Go figure.

It seems kind of strange to me that I won’t be stacking turkeys in a

subzero environment this year. I even miss it in a weird, offbeat way. I

also miss the great conversation with some of the most unique people in

the world: holiday shoppers. I will never approach the holidays without

thinking of the fantastic memories that I have of these die-hard

“turkey-troopers.” Who would have thought that something like a turkey

could hold so much meaning for so many people? “Yes sir, I like the

drumstick too.”

While you are in the middle of this holiday season, don’t think too

far ahead. Instead, try to live in the moment and savor every bit of it.

* BILL GARTNER is pastor at Harbor Christian Fellowship in Costa Mesa.