Through My Eyes -- Ron Davis

Well, here it is again -- the past year has rolled into a new one. And

speaking of rolls, during the past year I’ve accumulated more weight than

the Pillsbury doughboy.

I hate this time of year. I hate reflecting on what the last year has

brought and what the new year will bring. I hate that reflection in the

mirror reminding me that I am what I eat. And friends, that’s become a

lot.

So, like so many of you, I’ll be starting my new year off with a diet.

It’s hard to show you my disdain for the word by merely writing it, so

I’ll just remind you that it’s a four-letter word as repugnant as passing

up that last slice of pizza.

I don’t enjoy rattling on about my weight, but over the past year,

I’ve treated eating like an infomercial - “but wait, there’s more!”

I no longer have a waste line -- I have a landfill.

Just to see myself through this process, I insulted some friends by

suggesting they join me since, “we’re all in the same boat.”

They reminded me that they may be in boat, but I’m on a barge.

Did I mention that I need to lose a little weight?

I hadn’t thought much about my weight until I received a burka from my

in-laws for Christmas. The burka wasn’t bad enough, but they told me they

intended to buy me a tent, but couldn’t find my size.

Even my grandchildren have gotten into the act. They’ve started

calling me, Gram-pa.

So, I’ll be starting this year off with rabbit food. I’ll stock up the

fridge with delectable cucumbers, radishes, tomatoes and parsley. I’ll be

heading to the store to get nonfat this and low fat that. Taste will be

like last year’s calendar - a thing of the pasta.

Frankly, I’m looking forward to the new me. My wife is too. She’s

looking forward to a grumpy old dude whose personality will shut down

like a politician’s hearing.

By the time you read this, I’ll have just consumed one scrambled egg,

a dry piece of toast and eight glasses of nonfat water. For lunch maybe

I’ll enjoy a bowl of cucumbers and a tuna sandwich (hold the mayo.) on

nonfat cardboard.

I don’t know why I do this to myself. Every couple of years I make the

same resolution. Every couple of years it works for a while, and then I

don’t just fall off the wagon, I become the wagon. Heck, this time I’ve

even heard from Goodyear about an advertising gig.

This year’s going to be different. I have to put away the ice cream

and cookies. I’ve got to shelve the burritos, chips and salsa and opt for

the healthier side of life.

My weight isn’t the only thing I need to work on. My inclination to

procrastinate bothers me a lot too. And it bothers me that I’ll put off

dealing with that bad habit until next year. And when I get bothered

about things, I like to eat.

Ah, what the heck. Blue’s my color and I don’t look that bad in a

burka.

* RON DAVIS is a private attorney who lives in Huntington Beach. He

can be reached by e-mail at o7 RDD@socal.rr.com.f7