Comments & Curiosities -- Peter Buffa

If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. Good advice, especially

if you’re a professional athlete. Two interesting items in the crime file

this week. A recent report on “America’s Safest and Most Dangerous

Cities” -- I assume those are separate categories -- ranks Newport Beach

25th and Costa Mesa 58th out of 327 cities surveyed. Very cool.

During my mayor days, I learned not to get too worked up over these

things, though. Crime statistics can be a very tricky business. But these

annual reports are a reasonable indicator of those cities in which the

good guys and girls are winning.

Obviously, this place we call home is pretty darn safe as homes go,

which I would attribute to two factors. One, the mean streets of

Newport-Mesa aren’t, and two, we are blessed with an outstanding local

constabulary. Constabulary is an old word for “cops.” Do you know where

the word “cops” comes from? Do you think I’m not going to tell you? Of

course you don’t.

Early police badges were made of copper, and the people who wore them,

were called “coppers,” later shortened to “cops.” “Coppers” really caught

on when legendary tough guy Edward G. Robinson said it as Rico Bandello

in Mervyn Le Roy’s 1930 gangster classic “Little Caesar.”

Robinson reads a newspaper interview with his nemesis, Det. Tom

Flaherty, who claims that Rico is washed up and has lost his nerve.

Robinson has a shmoo and grabs the phone to call Flaherty, who taunts

Robinson by pretending he doesn’t know who he is.

“‘This is Rico speaking!” Robinson screams. “Rico. R-I-C-O Rico!

Little Caesar, that’s who! Listen, you crummy flat-footed copper, I’ll

show you if I’ve lost my nerve!”

By the way, Robinson is often misquoted as having said, “You want me,

copper? Then come and get me!” That’s a misquote of the film’s closing

scene. This is what they really said.

Flaherty: “You better give up, Rico. You haven’t got a chance.”

Little Caesar: “You want me, you’ll have to come and get me!”

How do these famous misquotes get started? Very strange. “Casablanca,”

for instance. Does Bogart say “Play it again, Sam?” How many times do I

have to tell you this? The line is, “Play it, Sam. If she can take it, so

can I.”

Where were we? Oh, yeah. Crime.

The other interesting item in the crime file this week is one Mr.

Jesus Delcarmen Delgardo Sanchez. Whether crime rises or falls, you can

always count on one thing. Most bad guys aren’t just bad. They are

exceedingly dumb.

Not that we aren’t grateful for that, don’t get me wrong. Anyway,

Sanchez -- for reasons yet to be determined -- was apparently in the

habit of pretending he was Costa Mesa police officer. Had he pursued his

hobby in the privacy of his own home, no one would have cared. But in the

wee small hours of Tuesday last, Sanchez decided to take his act on the

road, on Anaheim Avenue to be exact.

Before he hit the streets, Sanchez gathered together his wardrobe and

props, which were very impressive. He confidently pinned on a badge that

was not just mildly bogus, but wildly bogus. According to Costa Mesa Lt.

Dale Birney, “These are about half the size of our badges. They’re blue

plastic embossed with silver and have the words ‘Junior Police’ on them.”

Wait. Jesus is still dressing. He wore his miniature plastic badge on

a blue shirt with a bogus department patch on the shoulder. A bogus

police department patch? No, much better. A bogus fire department patch.

Hang on. Not done yet.

His “police car” was a well-worn blue Toyota Celica, and the piece de

resistance was a little flashing light that Sanchez would slap on the

roof of his car to try to pull someone over -- a flashing yellow light,

to be exact. Are you getting all this? There stands Jesus Delcarmen

Delgardo Sanchez, in his blue shirt with the fire department patch on the

shoulder, and his plastic “Junior Police’ badge on his chest -- ready to

hit the streets in his Toyota Celica with the little flashing yellow

light on the roof.

With that wonderfully dry humor that only cops can muster, Lt. Birney

said it seemed that Sanchez was new to what he was doing.

Between the fire patch and the flashing yellow light, I would think

the only thing Sanchez could be mistaken for is an arson investigator for

Caltrans, but at 1:30 a.m. on Tuesday, he somehow managed to pull over a

woman driving alone. Fortunately, a very real Costa Mesa police officer

spotted him at work and made a very real arrest after a very brief chase.

So that’s the news from the crime front. The good, the bad, the dumb.

Six cheers for two outstanding police departments, Newport-Mesa’s Top

Cops -- Messrs. Snowden and McDonell -- and the outstanding men and women

who keep us safe. And if someone in a blue shirt with a fire department

patch and a plastic badge that says “Junior Police” bothers you, call

either department. They’ll know exactly what to do. I gotta go* PETER

BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays. He may be

reached via e-mail at PtrB4@aol.com.