No Place Like Home -- Karen Wight

The “l” word strikes fear into the hearts of my family. It brings

teens to their knees and causes adults to fidget in their seats.

The “l” word is close to being considered taboo; it’s something that

is taken for granted, not openly talked about and only referred to when a

problem arises.

The “l” word is “laundry” my friends. And if you take care of more

people than just yourself, the “L” word impacts your household too.

The laundry has become a bigger and bigger issue as the kids have

gotten older. Do I need to say anything more than “teenage girl”?

Try on three outfits, wear the fourth and walk away from the heap on

the floor that makes it almost impossible to get out the door.

Then there’s towels. In our house, towels are a problem of epic

proportion. One for the body, one for the hair, one for morning workout,

one for afternoon workout, one after a nice soothing soak in the Jacuzzi,

and then one for the body and one for the hair again. It’s exponential.

With this burgeoning amount of laundry, there also comes the need for

additional hours to be spent on its execution.

The joy of having everything in the house and the hampers clean,

folded, ironed and put away is almost inexplicable. Then they walk

through the door and the bubble is burst.

Which brings me to the hot topic in our house this week: doing the

laundry.

The oldest daughter has now been officially cut off from Wight laundry

service. And instead of having a fight, giving a dirty look (or even

worse), I wrote a short “how to” primer for her to use as she explores

the wide world of sorting, washing, drying, folding, ironing and putting

away. (Author now breathes a sigh of relief.)

I am sharing my list with you in case there’s a child or, heaven

forbid, spouse in your house that needs a little nudge.

SORTING: The first and perhaps most critical element in the fine art

of laundry. Sort the piles into color categories; whites, darks, reds

(which includes orange, of which there is a bevy of in the teen laundry),

in-betweeners (yellows, greens and khakis) and hand washables.

Once the sorting has been completed, the treasure hunt starts. All

pockets must be checked for lip gloss, soiled tissues, candy and money.

If the aforementioned treasure is not found, the washing process may be

impeded (the box of Junior Mints was my favorite mess to clean up).

WASHING: Do not, I repeat do not overload the washing machine.

Parental units are most unhappy to see water and suds creeping out of the

laundry area. Even though you may think this saves time, in the long run

you will have to fix the washing machine, clean up the mess and still

have to do the laundry.

Read the directions on the container of soap and add an appropriate

amount. Too much soap and you will be wearing streaks of white crust on

your jeans, too little and the clothes will not have the desired effect

of being cleansed.

Put the machine on the appropriate setting. Ready, set, go.

DRYING: After you have successfully completed the sorting and washing,

move on to the drying phase of operations. Most clothes can go into the

dryer.

Some clothes will shrink to fit smaller members of the family if

machine-dried. When in doubt, read the tag. You know the tag -- it’s the

thing you like to cut out of all your clothes because it “bothers” you.

There’s a reason that it’s there.

Now, if you have been unsuccessful in your treasure hunt at the

washing stage, you might want to take a moment to repeat the effort.

Nothing ruins an entire load of drying clothes like a melted lip smacker.

FOLDING: Many clothes can be crisply folded and put away. You may

avoid some ironing duties if you give your pants a quick “hand iron.”

However, this means you must pay attention to the drying cycle and not

take a nap all afternoon, or enjoy a long dining experience at the same

time you are laundering.

If your clothes do require ironing, be sure that you don’t set the

iron on high and try to iron a nylon skirt. Very messy. Not good for the

skirt or the iron.

PUTTING AWAY: This seems to be the most difficult of all laundry

tasks. For even when your parental unit has done all of the above tasks

for you, putting away seems to be about as high on the things to do scale

as scrubbing the toilet.

The new rule will now and forever be if a stack of clothes is not put

away in the closet, drawer or cubby within a 24-hour period, the above

mentioned stack of clothes will be returned to the dirty clothes hamper.

This does not mean on the bed or the floor. This means on a hanger in

the closet, folded in a drawer, or placed in the correct cubby.

This doesn’t sound so difficult, does it? I’ve been doing it for years

and I’m still marginally sane and functional.

This notice has been taped to various bedroom doors in the house. If

you would like to cut this article out and tape it to your own teen’s

door, I’m glad to be of service.

The “l” word now stands for “lightening the load.” I’ll keep you

posted.

* KAREN WIGHT is a Newport Beach resident. Her column runs Sundays.