Navigating the teen years

Deirdre Newman

Kathy Muirhead was fed up with battling her teenage daughter. The

arguments over homework and respecting parental authority were taking

their toll emotionally on Kathy and her husband.

So they decided to sign up for a parenting class with Bill Seery, a

marriage and family therapist.

Seery guides parents through a six-week odyssey into the enigmatic

world of teenagers, illustrating how to steer children away from negative

impulses and toward healthy relationships and nondestructive behavior.

The class shows parents they have the means to be effective in

building character and self-control in their teens.

“I think the parents are the most powerful influence for good in the

development of a teenager for successful adulthood,” Seery said.

Seery started the Parent Project eight years ago and brought it to

Corona del Mar last summer. Parents from all over Orange County attend

the classes.

The six-week program starts with discussions about the nature of

teenagers and progresses to how to establish structure and negative

consequences for unwanted behavior. It involves workbook activities,

group discussion and question-and-answer periods.

On a recent Tuesday evening, Seery led provocative discussions on such

topics as dating and sexual activity.

Seery emphasized that decisions about teen dating must mesh with

parents’ goals of developing a mature person who has self-control.

“There needs to be standards and consequences and normal things that

you implement with any other behavior,” Seery said.

When he asked the group how many of them had ever had a graphic

conversation about sex with their teenagers, only one parent raised her

hand. Seery stressed the importance of both parents taking part in the

conversations, however awkward that might feel.

“If you can cultivate some positive [dialogue] with your children,

especially the fathers -- you don’t have to know all the answers, you

just have to be there,” he said.

By covering the basic ingredients of dealing with teenagers, Seery

hopes to arm the parents with a recipe for success in tackling any topic

that comes along.

“If a parenting environment doesn’t have these things in it, the

chances of the parents teaching the kids other things and those taking

root are lower,” Seery said.

Muirhead said dealing with her teenage daughter has become a lot less

contentious since taking the class.

“It gives direction to parents and confidence to know that what you

feel is the right thing to do and put it into action in an appropriate

manner,” Muirhead said.

Nancy Trevino said the class opened up myriad ideas to help her deal

with her two teenage sons.

“It makes me think about destructive behavior and how important

structure and supervision is,” Trevino said. “Kids think they’re adults.

It’s all about reining them in.”

* IN THE CLASSROOM is a weekly feature in which Daily Pilot education

writer Deirdre Newman visits a campus in the Newport-Mesa area and writes

about her experience.