Family Time -- Steve Smith
A few weeks ago, Cay and I received some very good news that had been
years in the making. We had a series of small celebrations, one of which
included a fine cigar that I smoked in our backyard.
This was the first cigar I’d had since February, when we were on a
long weekend in Monterey. There, I smoked my cigar on an oceanfront
balcony overlooking Monterey Bay while Cay and the kids hunted for crabs
on the rocks below.
I had purchased the cigar the night before, while our family was
strolling down the streets of Monterey’s shopping district. The kids saw
me eyeing the cigar and pleaded with me not to buy it. ‘You’ll get
cancer!’ I was told.
The next day, after their crab hunt, I had a brief chat with them
about cigars, cigarettes and alcohol. I told them that I was not going to
die, get cancer or get sick in any way at all from smoking one cigar.
This was contrary to the information that kids receive or perceive
when they get drug and alcohol education in our schools. Because it is
very hard to tell a kid not to consume alcohol and also tell them that a
glass of red wine once a day is good for you, schools have to toe the
line on all consumption, lest they send a mixed message.
I support this type of education because I believe that for most kids,
it’s the only discussion with adults they’ll have on the subject.
Context is everything when we teach our children. I have to smile at
the arguments of those who oppose abstinence education because there has
been no mention about the context in which the instruction is placed.
If abstinence does not work, it is failing in part because nearly all
of the influence a child receives out of school directly contradicts the
teachings in the classroom.
Thus, a child learning in school that the only 100% way to avoid
sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy is to abstain from
intercourse leaves class to be bombarded by words and images that make it
appear as though everyone is doing it and having a wonderful time doing
so. Magazine racks at the supermarket where kids shop with their parents
scream “Sex!” and show women with so little on that a few stores have
chosen to cover them up. More mixed messages.
And statistically half of our kids are from broken homes, many of them
broken because of infidelity by at least one of the parents. That casual
attitude toward the promise of marriage can’t help but make a child
question our teachings.
On television and in the movies, kids are having intimate
relationships with other kids and with adults. Rarely, if ever, are
consequences such as disease and pregnancy shown and no one uses any
birth control.
Outside influences have a powerful effect on kids. A recent Daily
Pilot story reported that officials in the Newport-Mesa Unified School
District were hoping our kids would learn a lesson from the “good” high
school student in another district who died recently from a combination
of alcohol and the drug Ecstasy.
The school board should have placed the faith of the same influence on
the recent drunk driving conviction of board member Jim Ferryman. By
encouraging Ferryman to stay on the board (one trustee, Wendy Leece, did
ask him to step down), the board sent a strong mixed message and
undermined years of authoritative teaching by the local Police
Department’s dedicated DARE instructors who preach the consequences of
drug and alcohol abuse.
I know this may come as a shock to many parents and school officials,
but it is alcohol -- not Ecstasy, heroin, cocaine, pot or a combination
of all four -- that is the drug of choice for our children and the one
that does the most damage to our children and our nation. The toll of the
others is not even close to that of alcohol.
That’s why I have been so upset about the missed opportunity at
Ferryman’s conviction.
Context is everything. Schools ban guns from campuses and in general
teach kids about the dangers of such weapons. But media violence is
rampant, the bad guys often don’t get caught, and our kids are watching
it. It also does not help that while we’re explaining the dangers of guns
these days, the fairgrounds is hosting a gun show this weekend, its
appearance flashing in large letters on the sign on Fair Drive.
Those who condemn abstinence teaching, drug education and other such
well-meaning programs and point to their occasional failure should
instead urge the community to stop undermining the efforts of our
teachers and get behind the programs of our schools and Police
Department.
I will continue to have a glass of wine every night with dinner. And a
month from today, I am going to have a cigar as part of a celebration.
But I’ll also take the time to explain the context of these actions to
our kids -- again -- if I sense any confusion.
I just wish I were doing it back on that balcony in Monterey.
* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers
may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.
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