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Family Time -- Steve Smith

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A few weeks ago, Cay and I received some very good news that had been

years in the making. We had a series of small celebrations, one of which

included a fine cigar that I smoked in our backyard.

This was the first cigar I’d had since February, when we were on a

long weekend in Monterey. There, I smoked my cigar on an oceanfront

balcony overlooking Monterey Bay while Cay and the kids hunted for crabs

on the rocks below.

I had purchased the cigar the night before, while our family was

strolling down the streets of Monterey’s shopping district. The kids saw

me eyeing the cigar and pleaded with me not to buy it. ‘You’ll get

cancer!’ I was told.

The next day, after their crab hunt, I had a brief chat with them

about cigars, cigarettes and alcohol. I told them that I was not going to

die, get cancer or get sick in any way at all from smoking one cigar.

This was contrary to the information that kids receive or perceive

when they get drug and alcohol education in our schools. Because it is

very hard to tell a kid not to consume alcohol and also tell them that a

glass of red wine once a day is good for you, schools have to toe the

line on all consumption, lest they send a mixed message.

I support this type of education because I believe that for most kids,

it’s the only discussion with adults they’ll have on the subject.

Context is everything when we teach our children. I have to smile at

the arguments of those who oppose abstinence education because there has

been no mention about the context in which the instruction is placed.

If abstinence does not work, it is failing in part because nearly all

of the influence a child receives out of school directly contradicts the

teachings in the classroom.

Thus, a child learning in school that the only 100% way to avoid

sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy is to abstain from

intercourse leaves class to be bombarded by words and images that make it

appear as though everyone is doing it and having a wonderful time doing

so. Magazine racks at the supermarket where kids shop with their parents

scream “Sex!” and show women with so little on that a few stores have

chosen to cover them up. More mixed messages.

And statistically half of our kids are from broken homes, many of them

broken because of infidelity by at least one of the parents. That casual

attitude toward the promise of marriage can’t help but make a child

question our teachings.

On television and in the movies, kids are having intimate

relationships with other kids and with adults. Rarely, if ever, are

consequences such as disease and pregnancy shown and no one uses any

birth control.

Outside influences have a powerful effect on kids. A recent Daily

Pilot story reported that officials in the Newport-Mesa Unified School

District were hoping our kids would learn a lesson from the “good” high

school student in another district who died recently from a combination

of alcohol and the drug Ecstasy.

The school board should have placed the faith of the same influence on

the recent drunk driving conviction of board member Jim Ferryman. By

encouraging Ferryman to stay on the board (one trustee, Wendy Leece, did

ask him to step down), the board sent a strong mixed message and

undermined years of authoritative teaching by the local Police

Department’s dedicated DARE instructors who preach the consequences of

drug and alcohol abuse.

I know this may come as a shock to many parents and school officials,

but it is alcohol -- not Ecstasy, heroin, cocaine, pot or a combination

of all four -- that is the drug of choice for our children and the one

that does the most damage to our children and our nation. The toll of the

others is not even close to that of alcohol.

That’s why I have been so upset about the missed opportunity at

Ferryman’s conviction.

Context is everything. Schools ban guns from campuses and in general

teach kids about the dangers of such weapons. But media violence is

rampant, the bad guys often don’t get caught, and our kids are watching

it. It also does not help that while we’re explaining the dangers of guns

these days, the fairgrounds is hosting a gun show this weekend, its

appearance flashing in large letters on the sign on Fair Drive.

Those who condemn abstinence teaching, drug education and other such

well-meaning programs and point to their occasional failure should

instead urge the community to stop undermining the efforts of our

teachers and get behind the programs of our schools and Police

Department.

I will continue to have a glass of wine every night with dinner. And a

month from today, I am going to have a cigar as part of a celebration.

But I’ll also take the time to explain the context of these actions to

our kids -- again -- if I sense any confusion.

I just wish I were doing it back on that balcony in Monterey.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.

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