No reason to let fear tear you apart
With the writing of any regular column, there is the temptation to
fall back on holidays and current events as subjects. Over the years,
I’ve avoided that, believing that unless I have something
particularly witty or useful to impart, those celebrations are best
left to the many other columnists around town and across the county
who will be commenting on the day.
The kidnapping and murder of Samantha Runnion is one of those
exceptions.
To recap, Samantha was plucked from her doorstep by a complete
stranger and found dead hours later.
The key part of the recap is the “complete stranger” part, for the
circum-
stances surrounding the tragedy of Samantha’s life and death are
the very rare exception, not the rule.
On Sunday, I visited Samantha’s makeshift memorial in Stanton.
Vivid memories include the hundreds of stuffed animals and bouquets
of flowers, the endless parade of people, the army of Orange County
sheriff’s deputies and the presence of nearly as much media as O.J.
attracted during his trial.
I do not fault the media for their attention to Samantha’s case.
For once, they got it right. This really is news. The nearly 100% of
all the other child abductions are not “news” because every law
enforcement agency in the country will tell you that the crime was
committed by someone known to the victim.
But a little girl kidnapped and killed by a total stranger? Yes,
that’s news. I state this at the risk of diminishing the effect of
the other 99% of the cases, but I believe that most readers will
comprehend this point and realize that when it comes to this type of
crime, no distinction is made as to the level of tragedy. They are
all horrible, and the perpetrators should receive the stiffest
punishment prescribed by law.
My visit to the memorial was a working one. Interviewing visitors
for a magazine story, I was struck by the simple ignorance of 100% of
the eight people with whom I spoke. All of them declared that they
were going to take some sort of action to prevent Samantha’s fate
from happening to their own children.
That fear is completely misplaced, and it pains me to think that
children will have yet another set of rules by which to play because
of the overreaction to Samantha’s death.
In his best-selling book “The Gift of Fear,” author Gavin de
Becker dissects the culture of fear in America. By way of background,
de Becker is a top security consultant and an expert on violent
behavior. His clients include many of the most rich and famous people
in America.
Near the very end of the book, de Becker puts our misplaced fears
into perspective: “You and I have survived some extraordinary risks,
particularly given that every day we move in, around and through
powerful machines that could kill us without missing a cylinder: jet
airplanes, subways, buses, escalators, motorcycles, cars.... We are
surrounded by toxic chemicals, and our homes are hooked up to
explosive gases and lethal currents of electricity.”
The point is that your fear of a complete stranger abducting,
brutalizing and murdering your child is totally misplaced and is far
less likely to occur than having your child injured in an auto
accident in which you are the driver.
Care to check? Call an insurance company and get a quote for each
instance. If you could take out a policy for each, you will find that
the “stranger abduction” payments are a gift to the insurance company
but they will have to work to profit off your auto accident policy.
In America, fear is a multibillion-dollar industry. Fear is used
to sell insurance, medicines, medical tests and security systems,
among many other products and services. Fear is strangling our nation
and threatens to cloud far more important issues. The fear brokers
want you to be afraid for the safety of your children, your water
supply and of briefcase bombs, and any chance they get to exploit
that fear will be used to sell their product or service.
My belief is not popular. To some, it is downright irresponsible.
But I believe in protecting children from most of the anxieties we
adults insist on giving to our children.
Passing on those fears and anxieties is far more irresponsible
than telling them to stop being afraid of strangers. “Stranger
danger” is just short of a myth. If you doubt it, check the
statistics at the FBI Web site or the site for the Department of
Justice.
I highly recommend that you read “The Gift of Fear.” It changed
the way I view danger, and in April it even helped me avert injury
from a potentially violent man.
By the way, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I am a
fan of de Becker because he believes that turning off the TV news
would do us all some good.
* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer.
Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at
(949) 642-6086.
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