No reason to let fear tear you apart

With the writing of any regular column, there is the temptation to

fall back on holidays and current events as subjects. Over the years,

I’ve avoided that, believing that unless I have something

particularly witty or useful to impart, those celebrations are best

left to the many other columnists around town and across the county

who will be commenting on the day.

The kidnapping and murder of Samantha Runnion is one of those

exceptions.

To recap, Samantha was plucked from her doorstep by a complete

stranger and found dead hours later.

The key part of the recap is the “complete stranger” part, for the

circum-

stances surrounding the tragedy of Samantha’s life and death are

the very rare exception, not the rule.

On Sunday, I visited Samantha’s makeshift memorial in Stanton.

Vivid memories include the hundreds of stuffed animals and bouquets

of flowers, the endless parade of people, the army of Orange County

sheriff’s deputies and the presence of nearly as much media as O.J.

attracted during his trial.

I do not fault the media for their attention to Samantha’s case.

For once, they got it right. This really is news. The nearly 100% of

all the other child abductions are not “news” because every law

enforcement agency in the country will tell you that the crime was

committed by someone known to the victim.

But a little girl kidnapped and killed by a total stranger? Yes,

that’s news. I state this at the risk of diminishing the effect of

the other 99% of the cases, but I believe that most readers will

comprehend this point and realize that when it comes to this type of

crime, no distinction is made as to the level of tragedy. They are

all horrible, and the perpetrators should receive the stiffest

punishment prescribed by law.

My visit to the memorial was a working one. Interviewing visitors

for a magazine story, I was struck by the simple ignorance of 100% of

the eight people with whom I spoke. All of them declared that they

were going to take some sort of action to prevent Samantha’s fate

from happening to their own children.

That fear is completely misplaced, and it pains me to think that

children will have yet another set of rules by which to play because

of the overreaction to Samantha’s death.

In his best-selling book “The Gift of Fear,” author Gavin de

Becker dissects the culture of fear in America. By way of background,

de Becker is a top security consultant and an expert on violent

behavior. His clients include many of the most rich and famous people

in America.

Near the very end of the book, de Becker puts our misplaced fears

into perspective: “You and I have survived some extraordinary risks,

particularly given that every day we move in, around and through

powerful machines that could kill us without missing a cylinder: jet

airplanes, subways, buses, escalators, motorcycles, cars.... We are

surrounded by toxic chemicals, and our homes are hooked up to

explosive gases and lethal currents of electricity.”

The point is that your fear of a complete stranger abducting,

brutalizing and murdering your child is totally misplaced and is far

less likely to occur than having your child injured in an auto

accident in which you are the driver.

Care to check? Call an insurance company and get a quote for each

instance. If you could take out a policy for each, you will find that

the “stranger abduction” payments are a gift to the insurance company

but they will have to work to profit off your auto accident policy.

In America, fear is a multibillion-dollar industry. Fear is used

to sell insurance, medicines, medical tests and security systems,

among many other products and services. Fear is strangling our nation

and threatens to cloud far more important issues. The fear brokers

want you to be afraid for the safety of your children, your water

supply and of briefcase bombs, and any chance they get to exploit

that fear will be used to sell their product or service.

My belief is not popular. To some, it is downright irresponsible.

But I believe in protecting children from most of the anxieties we

adults insist on giving to our children.

Passing on those fears and anxieties is far more irresponsible

than telling them to stop being afraid of strangers. “Stranger

danger” is just short of a myth. If you doubt it, check the

statistics at the FBI Web site or the site for the Department of

Justice.

I highly recommend that you read “The Gift of Fear.” It changed

the way I view danger, and in April it even helped me avert injury

from a potentially violent man.

By the way, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I am a

fan of de Becker because he believes that turning off the TV news

would do us all some good.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.