The virtue of learning to ask for help

“You need someone and someone needs you. To make this thing called

life work, we have to lean and support. And relate and respond. And

give and take. And confess and forgive. And reach out and embrace.”

-- Charles R. Swindoll

I don’t really enjoy admitting my mistakes. Frankly, I’d often

rather deny some things I’ve said or done rather than come clean with

them. My column a few weeks ago was about me inadvertently filling my

car with racing gasoline. Obviously this was nothing tragic, just

dumb and fairly costly on my part.

Rather than avoiding telling others, I’ve learned that God does

something interesting when I confess my faults or failings. In some

cases, it leads to something light like laughter, but in other

instances it has led to freedom, forgiveness or feeling closer to

others.

God has showed me in numerous creative ways that the sooner I

share more of my weaknesses, the sooner I can experience his

strength. The quicker I am honest about how I’m hurting, the better

chance I have of healing.

I can be such a slow learner, and sometimes I wait longer than I

need to ask for help. More than a month ago, I enjoyed a fun, albeit

unusual, day that involved moving furniture and a slight

fender-bender. The day also included a stressful situation with

friends, but there were highlights too.

I’m not sure if it was any of those specifics, or a combination of

many things, but a while later it finally dawned on me that my neck

and lower back were not feeling quite normal. Actually they were

tight and uncomfortable.

I finally decided to go to my chiropractor and explained the

situation and my symptoms.

“How long ago did this happen?” he asked with a knowing smile. I

answered, and he said, “Well, Cindy, that’s quicker than I thought.

You’re learning.”

He suggested that if I wanted to feel better quickly, I should see

him more consistently for a while and also have a massage to loosen

some tight muscles.

I wrestled with that idea for a while because it seemed

self-indulgent, but a counselor friend of mine explained to me that

we all need to know when to be responsible to take care of ourselves,

whether our “self-care” be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.

He also said that there is a time to ask for help from others,

something I am not also quick or eager to do.

I decided to get a massage, which helped tremendously. Lori, the

massage therapist, mentioned that she’s learned that there is an

important balance and connection between helping others and letting

others reach out to her.

“I have to receive from others so that I can give my best,” Lori

said.

I heard a message in the massage.

That is obviously only a minor example, but it encouraged me to

step outside my comfort zone and ask a wise friend to give me her

counsel about an issue in my life. I’m slowly learning that when I

need help, it’s best when I ask God, as well as trust others. I’m

also learning that the sooner the better.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at

cindy@onthegrow.com or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.