The virtue of learning to ask for help
“You need someone and someone needs you. To make this thing called
life work, we have to lean and support. And relate and respond. And
give and take. And confess and forgive. And reach out and embrace.”
-- Charles R. Swindoll
I don’t really enjoy admitting my mistakes. Frankly, I’d often
rather deny some things I’ve said or done rather than come clean with
them. My column a few weeks ago was about me inadvertently filling my
car with racing gasoline. Obviously this was nothing tragic, just
dumb and fairly costly on my part.
Rather than avoiding telling others, I’ve learned that God does
something interesting when I confess my faults or failings. In some
cases, it leads to something light like laughter, but in other
instances it has led to freedom, forgiveness or feeling closer to
others.
God has showed me in numerous creative ways that the sooner I
share more of my weaknesses, the sooner I can experience his
strength. The quicker I am honest about how I’m hurting, the better
chance I have of healing.
I can be such a slow learner, and sometimes I wait longer than I
need to ask for help. More than a month ago, I enjoyed a fun, albeit
unusual, day that involved moving furniture and a slight
fender-bender. The day also included a stressful situation with
friends, but there were highlights too.
I’m not sure if it was any of those specifics, or a combination of
many things, but a while later it finally dawned on me that my neck
and lower back were not feeling quite normal. Actually they were
tight and uncomfortable.
I finally decided to go to my chiropractor and explained the
situation and my symptoms.
“How long ago did this happen?” he asked with a knowing smile. I
answered, and he said, “Well, Cindy, that’s quicker than I thought.
You’re learning.”
He suggested that if I wanted to feel better quickly, I should see
him more consistently for a while and also have a massage to loosen
some tight muscles.
I wrestled with that idea for a while because it seemed
self-indulgent, but a counselor friend of mine explained to me that
we all need to know when to be responsible to take care of ourselves,
whether our “self-care” be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.
He also said that there is a time to ask for help from others,
something I am not also quick or eager to do.
I decided to get a massage, which helped tremendously. Lori, the
massage therapist, mentioned that she’s learned that there is an
important balance and connection between helping others and letting
others reach out to her.
“I have to receive from others so that I can give my best,” Lori
said.
I heard a message in the massage.
That is obviously only a minor example, but it encouraged me to
step outside my comfort zone and ask a wise friend to give me her
counsel about an issue in my life. I’m slowly learning that when I
need help, it’s best when I ask God, as well as trust others. I’m
also learning that the sooner the better.
And you can quote me on that.
* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks
frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at
cindy@onthegrow.com or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,
Newport Beach, CA 92658.
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