A cellular plan worth thinking about

“Can you hear me now? Good.” Depending on how much television you

watch, you’ve heard that line, and the cell phone commercial from

whence it comes, somewhere between 250 and 1,725 times. But this

week, it became a question that the Newport-Mesa Unified School

District will have to answer sooner, rather than later.

Cell phones are fascinating, no? We’ve made peace with all the

other techno-gadgets that have popped up in recent years --DVDs,

laptops, Palm Pilots, etc. But we’re still not quite sure how to use

those little black and silver phones with the funny ring. You either

love ‘em or hate ‘em, which usually depends on whether or not you use

‘em.

We’ve gone through a number of cellular tizzies. There was “cell

phones give you brain cancer” tizzy. Then, the “cell phones make you

blow up while pumping gas” tizzy. Then, “cell phones make you crash”

(cars) and its corollary, “cell phones make us crash” (airplanes.)

In the late 1980’s, it was “cell phones get you hooked.” Drug

dealers were using cell phones and pagers (remember pagers?) to

deliver their miserable wares. High school, middle school and even

grade school kids were using cell phones to reach out and touch their

neighborhood dealer.

California and most other states said, “No more cell phones in

schools, done, over, thanks for calling, bub-eye.” Since then, most

school districts have dutifully enforced the ban, although most

people have forgotten the drug connection by now and assume it was

enacted because cell phones can be so disruptive. Boy, can they ever.

If you think a ringing cell phone in a restaurant or at a movie is

annoying, try explaining the difference between mitosis and meiosis

to a class with cell phones going off in the second and fifth rows.

As is so often the case, life is what happens in between all the

plans we make. Parents have always been antsy about being able to

reach their kids in a crisis, large or small. But in the topsy-turvy

world of here and now -- with a steady diet of terrorism, abductions

and who knows what’s next -- it’s a bigger concern than ever.

According to a Boston-based technology research firm called The

Yankee Group, there was a sales spike of more than 2 million cell

phones in the weeks after Sept. 11. A recent survey by the firm found

that 42% of Americans use cell phones, including 32% of children

between 10-and 19-years-old, compared with less than 25% last year.

The principal of James Monroe High School in North Hills, north of

Los Angeles, estimates that as many as 70% of his 4,600 students

carry cell phones. Bottom line, there are a whole lot of little

fingers pushing little buttons on little phones these days, school

ban or not.

As of Wednesday, it was “not,” when Gray Davis signed a bill

repealing the ban on cell phones in schools. What the bill really

says is that local school districts can sort it out and do whatever

they please, no longer bound by the always-impressive guidance and

counsel from Sacramento.

Hmm. What to do, what to do. This is going to be a tough call for

the Newport Mesa District. Ban the phones or ban the ban? Kids being

able to reach their parents, and vice versa, is a very good thing.

But in a school setting, ground rules on using the little cellular

wonders are obviously called for.

Lets face it. A 13-year old armed with a cell phone is a

terrifying prospect. Personally, there’s nothing I enjoy more than

being stuck in a checkout line next to an eighth-grader with a cell

phone.

“So I’m like ‘no way,’ and she’s like ‘yes way’ and I go ‘Are you

sure?’ and she goes ‘Uh huh’ and I’m all nice and stuff, and she’s

all mean and everything, so can you like go or not? Hang on a sec. I

got another call.”

I’ll leave the cellular rules and regulations to the school board.

They know much more about schools, students and the interaction

between them than I do. But I do have an idea. If someone wants to

pick it up and run with it, be my guest. They’ll make a zillion

dollars, and all I want is a modest, unassuming 60%. Ready? Write

this down.

Someone needs to produce a cheap, dependable cell phone that

parents can buy for their kids for, say, $19.95, with a monthly

service contract of $9.95.

But here’s the catch. The phone can only receive incoming calls

from, and make outgoing calls to, whatever numbers have been

programmed into it -- 911, mom’s office, dad’s office, Aunt Suzie,

etc. The parents program the numbers by phone or a Web site, using a

password that only they know. Kids have everything they need in a

crisis, but not the ability to chat with the little beast in the

checkout line behind me.

What do you think? I think it’s, like, brilliant. If you don’t,

call me on it. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached via e-mail at PtrB4@aol.com.