Don’t pack the punch in that healthy lunch

What’s for lunch? When it comes to school kids, that’s a good

question. It’s one that parents should be asking early and often,

according to the Newport-Mesa Unified School District and the Lindora

Medical Clinic in Newport Beach.

Some pronouncements from both those organizations this week caught

my eye and ear, which is just a figure of speech because I actually

have two of each. The quest for the perfect school lunch has gone on

since the beginning of school, or lunch, or both. Some things have

changed since I was a quiet, reclusive, painfully shy child in

elementary school ... grade school ... grammar school. Which is it? I

never know. But some things have not.

In those days, just after sinking of the Lusitania, it was the

“food pyramid” and the “four basic food groups” -- the meat group,

the fruit and vegetable group, the dairy group, and the grain group.

Many years later, the recommendations are similar, but with much more

emphasis on avoiding sugar and fat wherever possible.

It took a while, but someone finally discovered that overly round

little people usually grow up to be overly round big people, a

phenomenon to which I can attest. According to Shelly Lummus, a nurse

practitioner at Lindora Medical Clinic, the number of overweight kids

between the ages of 6 and 11 has doubled in the last two decades, and

tripled for teenagers.

Worse yet, overweight children have a much higher risk of

developing Type II diabetes as adults, and are doing just that at a

much higher rate than 20 years ago.

According to Richard Greene, director of food services for

Newport-Mesa Unified School District, the school lunch program is the

best bet for pint-sized scholars, since it’s planned and supervised

by nutritional specialists. But if you prefer to pack it yourself,

both Lummus and Greene have suggestions for what goes in the little

brown bag.

Carbonated drinks are a cardinal sin, and fruit juice, which is

essentially sugar water and only about 5% real juice, is a close

second. Lose the fat and the salt wherever you can, which means a no-

vote on prepackaged lunchmeats like bologna. Why is it pronounced

“baloney,” by the way? Try sliced turkey if your kids are carnivores.

Fruit? What more is there to say, other than you can never have

enough. And that goes double for kids. Like the Bible says -- “And

the fruit shall set you free.” Whatever. According to Lummus, the

second biggest source of saturated fat for kids is cheese, so try

some low-fat or nonfat when they have to get cheesy. Go with whole

wheat instead of white bread, which is mostly air and not worth a

tinker’s dam, nutritionally speaking.

Do you know where “tinker’s dam” comes from? A tinker was another

name for a tinsmith -- someone who made a living repairing pots and

pans. When something needed soldering, the tinker would use leftover

bits of solder to make a little dam to hold the molten solder for the

new job. So what could be more worthless, or worth less, than a

“tinker’s dam?” And how is this related to school lunches? I have no

idea.

You can also trick the kids into eating some vegetables with lunch

if you get creative, like celery sticks and peanut butter.

All well and good, but here’s what worries me about the newer,

healthier school lunch. There are some things that I suspect haven’t

changed much, no matter how many years have transpired. When the

lunch bell rings, what is the first thing a kid does with his or her

lunch? Inspect it, of course. Nothing is consumed prior to

inspection. It’s the law.

Even trace amounts of substances that are suspected of being good

for you, or are not identifiable, are immediately detected and

discarded. Sandwiches are opened carefully and all extraneous

materials are tossed over the left shoulder, as are Zip-Lock sandwich

bags containing anything that can be found in a produce department.

With all due respect, I have grave doubts about this suggestion

from Lummus: to add flavor to sandwiches, try tomatoes, roasted

peppers, sweet onions or grilled zucchini. Oh yeah, that’s it --

sweet onions. A fifth-grader can detect an onion from anything inside

750 meters. Roasted peppers in a sandwich? Pulleeze! To a 12-year

old, a roasted pepper is a giant oyster, only green. It’s something

you run around and scare girls with, not eat.

Why do you think the peanut butter and jelly sandwich reigns

supreme? It is immediately identifiable and thoroughly familiar --

the ultimate comfort food. Believe me, I know how this works. Being

Italian, my mother would send me packing with sandwiches like

scrambled egg with fried broccoli or caponata, an eggplant and olive

relish.

I was popular in school, except at lunchtime, during which I was

treated like a cross between Jeffrey Dahmer and Hannibal Lecter. All

I had to do was break out the broccoli and egg sandwich with the

arugula, and I could have any table of my choice. Any kid who sat

next to me was a new transfer.

And that brings us to snacks, for which the pros suggest baked

potato chips, low-fat rice cakes or air-popped popcorn. Umm, OK. I

always tried to finish with one from the Yoo-Hoo group and one from

the Snickers group, but I guess times change, and we must change with

them. Oh, almost forgot -- go Yankees!

I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached via e-mail at PtrB4@aol.com.