At the point of dating your shoes

The holiday season is here and the giant Christmas trees are going

up in all of the mainstream malls. Single men, whom would normally

avoid the mall like the plague, are forced to shop for their loved

ones. All year they have made sure to steer clear of any thoughts of

racked-up credit card bills, and the horrendous sight of women

clawing and drooling over the 50% off rack.

Truly Christmas is a joyous time for the single girl. The eye

candy in malls has multiplied; not only can women gawk over the new

holiday shipments of Prada shoes but among us walk young bachelors

eagerly spending far too much at Tiffany’s for some young tart that

they look forward to kissing under the mistletoe. As much as I hate

to say it, most of us ladies would be more than willing to be that

tart.

So how do we choose among all of these ... shoes? I’ve recently

come up with a theory about women of all ages and how they shop for

their footwear and their menswear ... oops I mean, men. Think about

the last pair of shoes you bought. What about them was so appealing?

Was it the supportive arch, or was it the quality of the hand sewn

Italian leather, perhaps you liked the way that 4-inch stiletto made

your legs go on for days. Now think about your last date (and if you

were set up it doesn’t count.) Was he tall dark and handsome, well

dressed, but occasionally misusing big words trying to impress you,

in the end sounding completely illiterate? Or maybe the guy you were

interested in was cute, wholesome and intelligent and late picking

you up because he repainted his grandmother’s fence.

My point is, basically I find that we as women search for similar

qualities in men as we do in shoes. Here, let me prove it.

Picture Pamela Anderson, and think of her latest pair of shoes --

probably an incredibly expensive, glass, 6-inch pump, with a heel the

width of a toothpick. What are the qualities? Flashy, tacky, pricey,

kind of white trash-esque. Who is her current flame? Yep, none other

than the king of the trailer park, Kid Rock.

Still don’t agree? Let’s take another couple. How about Jennifer

Aniston? The woman is a fashion maven. Her feet will touch nothing

but quality, not to mention the shoes she wears. Whether a strappy

heel or a closed toe sling back, her shoes always have some sort of

visual appeal, which is the least to say about her permanent beau

Brad Pitt.

Even Joey from the TV show “Dawson’s Creek” sported only tennis

shoes. She was a match made in heaven for her ongoing boyfriend,

Dawson, who was definitely not that exciting unless you considered a

pair of worn in Adidas a daring fashion statement.

I hope to conclude on a positive note. Not one that scares every

woman whose taste in shoes is less than superb, or one that has women

staring at the racks in their closets re-evaluating their lives. This

article is merely in hopes to get women to rethink what they force

their feet into this holiday season, because one day you might just

realize you are dating your shoes.

* ASHLEY MICHAELS is a Newport Harbor High School junior whose

columns will appear occasionally in the Forum section.