What makes you happy?

Dec. 27, 2002 12 AM PT

CHASING DOWN THE MUSE

“I just want to be happy.” This simple sentence has shown up as

the bottom line in therapy, when I was in practice, and now in my

coaching work. But what is happiness? How can it be measured? Is it

even a possibility for every person?

One thing is for certain -- that it is not the same for everyone.

So each of us must find and make and measure his or her own

happiness. In this time of holidays and expectations and the

disappointments that often accompany these expectations, it might be

worthwhile to look at what makes us each happy ... and what might

interfere with our happiness.

The other day, on my way home from working with a client (yes, of

course, the issue of happiness did come up in our session!), I

stopped at the new Trader Joe’s in Crystal Cove. While doing my

shopping there, I noted that the people around me were not moving at

the frenetic pace I had seen elsewhere this holiday season. It was a

beautiful day between rainstorms. The sun was shimmering in a

brilliant reflection off the ocean that could be seen from the front

of the store. The wet parking lot glistened. The wind pushed

billowing clouds across the sky. Pelicans and other shore birds

swooped and dived above the beach below. A glorious day!

Could this be the primary factor? Perhaps. I will never know for

sure. The friendly clerks helped, I am sure, but it was more than

that. I left the store with a smile on my face.

Does stress affect our happiness levels? Even our ability to be

happy? Being stressed seems to have something to do with where our

energy is generated. Many people think that they thrive on stress. I

disagree. It may look like thriving, but there is a heavy cost for

long-term stress. Long-term stress has been shown to cause severe

damage to a person’s health. The immune system suffers damage, there

is impairment to the nervous system and individuals become more

susceptible to minor and major illness. Also, under relentless and

overwhelming stress, a person’s self-worth is injured. Needless to

say, relationships suffer, and it becomes very difficult to act for

positive change.

Does it sound like I am advocating laziness, not doing the

“important” things or becoming a couch potato? Absolutely not! To do

so creates its own set of stressors, leading nowhere fast, and

certainly not toward happiness.

Creating with intensity and motivation, adrenaline pumping, can be

managed without negative energy, though. This happens when we are

experiencing life enriched by hunger and enthusiasm for the task at

hand. This happens when we are creating things in our lives or life

itself from a love for these, rather than using the survival energies

of fear, denial and avoidance.

Why are we all seemingly so willing to add stressors generated

from outside ourselves and so unwilling to set aside time for even

the little things that we love? When you are making resolutions for

the new year, how about resolving to eliminate the negative stress

and creating your own happiness? Start by asking yourself, “What

makes me happy?” The list may be long, it may be short, but give

yourself the gift of doing this one exercise if no others.

Then, taking responsibility for your own happiness, begin to add

the positive energy in your life. Give yourself just one hour each

day to do what you love, to do what makes you happy. That could be

365 hours of happiness in a year!

If what makes you happy is being outdoors, for instance, find a

way. Have your lunch outside. Bundle up and go outside late at night

to watch the night sky. Walk as your exercise.

Give yourself the gift of time, and use the time for your own

happiness. Leonardo Da Vinci said it so well.

“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when

you come back to your work, your judgment will be surer. Go some

distance away, because then the work appears smaller and more of it

can be taken in at a glance, and a lack of harmony and proportion is

What makes you happy?

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