What makes you happy?
CHASING DOWN THE MUSE
“I just want to be happy.” This simple sentence has shown up as
the bottom line in therapy, when I was in practice, and now in my
coaching work. But what is happiness? How can it be measured? Is it
even a possibility for every person?
One thing is for certain -- that it is not the same for everyone.
So each of us must find and make and measure his or her own
happiness. In this time of holidays and expectations and the
disappointments that often accompany these expectations, it might be
worthwhile to look at what makes us each happy ... and what might
interfere with our happiness.
The other day, on my way home from working with a client (yes, of
course, the issue of happiness did come up in our session!), I
stopped at the new Trader Joe’s in Crystal Cove. While doing my
shopping there, I noted that the people around me were not moving at
the frenetic pace I had seen elsewhere this holiday season. It was a
beautiful day between rainstorms. The sun was shimmering in a
brilliant reflection off the ocean that could be seen from the front
of the store. The wet parking lot glistened. The wind pushed
billowing clouds across the sky. Pelicans and other shore birds
swooped and dived above the beach below. A glorious day!
Could this be the primary factor? Perhaps. I will never know for
sure. The friendly clerks helped, I am sure, but it was more than
that. I left the store with a smile on my face.
Does stress affect our happiness levels? Even our ability to be
happy? Being stressed seems to have something to do with where our
energy is generated. Many people think that they thrive on stress. I
disagree. It may look like thriving, but there is a heavy cost for
long-term stress. Long-term stress has been shown to cause severe
damage to a person’s health. The immune system suffers damage, there
is impairment to the nervous system and individuals become more
susceptible to minor and major illness. Also, under relentless and
overwhelming stress, a person’s self-worth is injured. Needless to
say, relationships suffer, and it becomes very difficult to act for
positive change.
Does it sound like I am advocating laziness, not doing the
“important” things or becoming a couch potato? Absolutely not! To do
so creates its own set of stressors, leading nowhere fast, and
certainly not toward happiness.
Creating with intensity and motivation, adrenaline pumping, can be
managed without negative energy, though. This happens when we are
experiencing life enriched by hunger and enthusiasm for the task at
hand. This happens when we are creating things in our lives or life
itself from a love for these, rather than using the survival energies
of fear, denial and avoidance.
Why are we all seemingly so willing to add stressors generated
from outside ourselves and so unwilling to set aside time for even
the little things that we love? When you are making resolutions for
the new year, how about resolving to eliminate the negative stress
and creating your own happiness? Start by asking yourself, “What
makes me happy?” The list may be long, it may be short, but give
yourself the gift of doing this one exercise if no others.
Then, taking responsibility for your own happiness, begin to add
the positive energy in your life. Give yourself just one hour each
day to do what you love, to do what makes you happy. That could be
365 hours of happiness in a year!
If what makes you happy is being outdoors, for instance, find a
way. Have your lunch outside. Bundle up and go outside late at night
to watch the night sky. Walk as your exercise.
Give yourself the gift of time, and use the time for your own
happiness. Leonardo Da Vinci said it so well.
“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when
you come back to your work, your judgment will be surer. Go some
distance away, because then the work appears smaller and more of it
can be taken in at a glance, and a lack of harmony and proportion is
more readily seen.”
And we all know what Da Vinci was able to create! Taking a cue
from Da Vinci before moving to the next creative outpouring, I’m off
for some time spent in nature. I have no doubt that I will return
refreshed and ready, hungering to dive into the projects ahead. Happy
New Year to you all. May you find the happiness you seek within.
* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist and
walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. Contact her by e-mail at
emmagine8@aol.com or by phone at (949) 251-3883. Your thoughts and
questions are appreciated.
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