Parents do the darndest things

Parents are funny people. They spend much of their waking hours

doing things for their kids, including worrying about them. Then,

they finally get to go on a long-overdue date, and what do they talk

about over dinner? Their kids.

Most of the reason for that is because there is simply no other

time to talk about them -- or anything else -- during the week.

Family members have been reduced to blurs, images seen passing

through the kitchen or living room or showing up momentarily in the

car as they bounce from place to place.

My wife and I have these conver- sations that take place in

between everything else we do. Instead of making these dialogues a

priority, by actually setting aside time to talk, we do it in the

morning as we dress, on the phone when we’re busy at work or at night

when we’re too tired to think straight.

Actually, the phone calls during the day aren’t so bad. After all,

isn’t it nice to hear a loving voice instead of the grouchy ones we

often get? Well, maybe it’s just me getting the grouchy calls.

At baseball practice, we have not yet had full attendance. Last

Thursday, one kid was sick, and another had a conflict in the

schedule. Two days before, a different kid had a different conflict.

Still, we’re getting 10 or 11 out of 12, which I consider

outstanding in this age of “ping-pong parenthood.” If you have kids,

you know what that means: back and forth between school, work and

home.

Curiously, things seem to get better when a two-parent home is

temporarily down to one. I have compared notes with many friends and

have yet to have anyone disagree with my theory that one parent can

get more done if the other one is temporarily out of the picture,

say, on a business trip.

Why that is so, I don’t know. I can only draw from the experiences

in our home, and in our case I am sure my wife gets more done because

she does not have her messy husband to worry about

I don’t claim to be the most organized person in town and I marvel

at the people who keep schedules and tasks and appointments straight

enough to maintain a sense of calm in their lives. That’s better for

kids than my way. The only benefit of doing things my way is that it

may be good training in case kids want to grow up to be emergency

room doctors.

So, while my wife will say that she gets more done when I am gone,

I have noticed that I get more done when my organized, efficient wife

is away than when she is here. Again, I don’t know why, and again,

I’ve heard this same thing over and over again from other parents.

The distinction is the word “temporarily.” I have no idea how a

single parent manages to juggle balls successfully week after week.

Perhaps they have a good support system or have scaled back their

activities to only what is realistic, unlike the rest of us, who

insist on breaking the Guinness record for multi-tasking.

Case in point: Alone in my car a few days ago, I was driving,

listening to messages on my cell phone, eating a bagel, listening to

a CD and scrambling to find a piece of paper somewhere in the front

seats of my car. Candidate for an accident? Yes, and I’m sorry to say

that doing so many things at once in the car is not unusual. My

conscience is assuaged only by the knowledge that I was alone in

doing it.

Parents are funny because their expectations are lower than single

people. Not that that’s a bad thing -- it’s just different.

Imagine, for example, a single person getting satisfaction on

Saturday night after Saturday night just watching videos and eating

popcorn. Yet, that’s just what we’re looking forward to doing

tonight. No nightlife, no pizazz, just relaxation and a chance to

spend some decent family time together.

After all, isn’t that why we had kids? Well, why did we have kids?

Why do we volunteer for at least 18 years of obliging ourselves to

running around like headless chickens and working our fingers to the

bone, all with no guarantee or expectation that our efforts will pay

off or even be appreciated?

We all had kids because with all of the hoops we have to jump

through each day, there is still no experience as rewarding as being

a parent. Selfish answer? Perhaps, but few would disagree.

The older I get, the more I appreciate those easy nights and the

chance to watch the kids grow by just talking to them and spending

time with them. I’m funny that way.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.