The saga of a rocker-wielding Deefy Johnson

Back before the city donned a more genteel demeanor, the back room of

Stark’s bar was the scene of a regular poker game.

One night, a man from out of town wandered into Stark’s. After a

couple of drinks, he asked to join the game. Play proceeded quietly

for several hands, then the other players caught the guy cheating and

threw him out of the game. Instead of slinking away in shame, the guy

became enraged and pulled a knife. However, rather than take out his

pique on the poker players, he decided to terrorize the patrons in

the bar. He charged into the bar, swinging the knife.

The first man he came to was Big Bill Ponting, our local

constable, who was leaning back on the bar, cowboy hat on his head,

his rather prominent belly protruding. The stranger took a swipe at

Bill with his knife, Bill pulled in his considerable paunch and let

the knife slide harmlessly by, then admonished the knife wielder to

be careful or he might hurt someone. Bill took a tolerant view of

activities other law enforcement officers might deem antisocial.

The stranger went through the crowd, slashing away at people who

just dodged out of the way and went on with their normal activities.

It took quite a bit to disturb the crowd at Stark’s.

Finally, the knife wielder came to Deefy Johnson. I never did know

Deefy’s first name. Deefy was stone deaf, allegedly because he tried

to light a cigarette one morning when he tried to start his fishing

boat. You are supposed to air out the bilges. Deefy didn’t, the boat

blew up, and Deefy’s ears blew in. Whether the story was true or no,

Deefy was deaf.

Deefy was sitting there in a rocking chair, minding his own

business. Just why there was a rocking chair in a bar I have no idea,

but Stark’s was like that, original. Anyway, Deefy was just sitting

there rocking away, minding his own business in his own quiet world.

The knife wielder took a slash at Deefy who took a dim view of anyone

who interrupted his silent musings. Deefy stood up, picked up the

chair, broke it into several pieces, grabbed a rocker and took off

after the knife wielder. Deefy chased the guy all around McFadden

Square, swinging the rocker every time he got close. The phone panel

in the Police Department lighted up as people called in from

Suttora’s Fish Market, Horman’s Fish Market, Cottle’s Grocery Store,

the Newport Theater, as people in those places saw Deefy going by

swinging away with his rocker at the guy with the knife. When officer

George Callihan finally arrived, he could see Deefy swinging away at

something. Just then Deefy caught up with the knife wielder and

decked him with a roundhouse swing of the rocker. Deefy got him dead

center, splitting his scalp very neatly. Callihan took the guy to Doc

Grundy who spent the rest of the night stitching the guy’s head

together.

The next morning the knife wielder appeared in my court with so

many bandages on his head it looked like he was wearing a turban. He

paid the usual $50 fine for disturbing the peace, then he asked Chief

of Police Rowland Hodgkinson what was being done about the guy who

had almost killed him.

“Nothing,” said Hodge.

“What do you mean, nothing? The guy almost killed me!”

“He was acting in self defense,” Hodge said.

“Self defense?” the guy screamed. “He chased me for blocks.”

“Self defense, Newport Beach style,” smiled Hodge.

And so a new legal concept was born -- geographic self defense.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge.

His column runs Tuesdays.