Child abuse defies conventional portrait

* EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the first of four commentaries that will

run on Thursdays in April, which is child abuse prevention month.

John J. Collins is director of community programs for Childhelp USA,

a Costa Mesa-based nonprofit that works for the prevention and

treatment of child abuse.

I suspect that some parents that see this article about “child

abuse” will move quickly to another story because they feel “that

could never happen in our family.” Yet the news is punctuated daily

with tragic and shocking stories of abducted and exploited children.

There are three major causes of death to children: cancer,

accidents and child abuse. Every cause of childhood death has

declined in the last 25 years except child abuse. However, we as a

society have done more to address the problem in the last 40 years

than we did in the prior 500 years.

Each year, more than 3 million children are reported as abused or

neglected in the United States. Some reports indicate that for every

case reported, there are three others unreported. On average, three

children die each day from abuse and neglect in this country. Last

year in California, there were more than 600,000 child abuse reports.

Even in our “well-to-do” Orange County, there were 22,792 child abuse

reports in 2001.

It was not until the 1960s that physical abuse of children was

widely discussed or acknowledged. It took us as a society until the

1970s before we would acknowledge sexual abuse of children as a

significant problem that demanded our attention. In today’s world, we

talk a lot about a “War on Terror.” For many children, that terror

will come tonight in their homes.

Personally, I am constantly amazed that when some people learn

that my professional life deals with the treatment and prevention of

child abuse, they disclose to me their personal history of abuse as a

child that was never reported or documented. So, yes, be aware that

it can happen in any family.

After hearing the tragic stories about abducted or exploited

children, most people are surprised to learn that many crimes against

children can be prevented. Child-safety education can play a large

role in safeguarding our youth against opportunistic abductors and

molesters.

As a parent, the most important component to child safety is

effective communication with your child. Children who are not

listened to or who do not have their needs met at home are more

vulnerable to abduction or exploitation. The first step you should

take is to establish an atmosphere in the home in which your child

feels truly comfortable in discussing sensitive matters and relating

an experience in which someone may have approached the child in an

inappropriate manner or in a way that made the child uncomfortable.

Children are often too afraid or too confused to report their

experiences and their fears. In some ways, you should treat your

child as you would adult friends -- allow them to talk freely about

their likes and dislikes, their friends, their true feelings.

The truth about some sexual abuse myths versus reality:

Myth: Strangers pose the greatest risk of sexual abuse to

children.

Truth: 90% of the time, sexual abuse of children under the age of

12 is perpetrated by someone the child knows.

“Stay away from strangers” or the “stranger danger” concept has

been over the years the most popular warning to children to prevent

abduction or exploitation. Unfortunately, however, many children are

abducted or exploited by people who have some type of familiarity

with the child. The term “stranger” suggests a concept that children

may not understand and is one that ignores what we do know about the

people who commit crimes against children (90% are known to the

child). While good safety habits need to be followed when dealing

with strangers, it is appropriate to teach our children to be on the

lookout for certain kinds of situations or actions rather than just

certain kinds of individuals. (I will discuss this area in greater

detail in a later article).

Myth: Child molesters are just “dirty old men.”

Truth: Child molesters are men and women of all ages, races,

income and educational levels and professions. And most of them

actually started molesting when they were still children themselves.

Myth: Child molesters only like to have sex with children.

Truth: Many child molesters have sexual relationships with adults

as well.

While I will be discussing Many other aspects of child abuse in

later articles, if you have some questions or concerns about this

issue, here are some good information sources:

Childhelp USA, (800) 4-A-CHILD or www.childhelpusa.org

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, (714) 508-0150

Prevent Child Abuse Orange County, (714) 258-2272 or www.pcaoc.org

Orange County Child Abuse Registry, (714) 940-1000

Contact me at (714) 481-8312