How to make the perfect match

Coral Wilson

When passionate relationships end in disagreement and couples can’t

figure out why, it may be because nature has an agenda all its own.

Humans mate by smell, not with the head, personal development

coach Cynthia Freeman said.

People sniff out partners with the opposite immunities as their

own, she said. Through this process of natural selection, offspring

have the best chance of survival. But value systems don’t always

match.

“We are animals built to procreate, although that is not why we

get married anymore,” she said. “First, we pick our partners on an

organic level, and then life gets in the way.”

To solve some of the differences nature fails to consider, Freeman

has designed two intense 12-hour seminars, “Seeking Singles” and

“Passionate Partners.”

Forcing single people and couples to be more honest about their

relationships, participants take a hard look at their values and

belief systems, she said.

While Freeman says she has saved many marriages, some couples come

to her seminar engaged and then decide to break up. Grateful to save

themselves the heartache and expense of a wedding, they make a

conscious, not reactionary, decision that the relationship is not

what they want, she said.

In those cases, Freeman said couples tell her, “If we got married,

we would have both just spent the whole time trying to fix each

other.”

After years of leading seminars in management and corporate team

building, executives began to ask Freeman’s advice on their personal

relationships.

Relationships are the cause of the greatest wounds, Freeman said,

but they are also the key to success in almost any field.

“At the core of all the work I do, it is all about improving and

building the best relationships, whether with a boss, employee,

children, parents or a spouse,” she said.

When people express having problems at work, Freeman said one of

the first areas she examines is their situation at home.

“I am willing to ask the tough questions,” she said. “I am willing

to go toe to toe with CEOs, so they have to get real -- and answer.”

By the end of a challenging process that may at times be painful,

Freeman said, most people are extremely happy with the results.

Executives like to be asked the questions they are unwilling to ask

themselves, she said.

Having coached more than 2,000 clients in 51 countries, Freeman

said belief and value systems are at the root of human differences.

“We are all part of the human race, we have the same basic needs

and we all put our pants on one leg at a time,” she said. “We all

want to love, relate better and establish common ground.”

Through an increased awareness of one’s values, solutions begin to

come to light. In her seminars, Freeman helps singles break old

patterns and couples leave with a team identity. She teaches

communication skills and tools for fighting fair when inevitable

disagreements arise.

And all the time, she asks questions: What is it that you want to

be, and who would bring that out? Are you being true to yourself? If

you value freedom above all else, how does that fit into a

relationship?

“To be with somebody, we get so caught up in looking good, and not

just physically,” she said. “We work so hard at impressing someone,

the self gets lost.”

Many couples spend years planning a wedding but, apart from

financial discussions, they don’t take the time to plan what comes

next -- the marriage.

The two seminars are similar in many ways. But they usually end

very differently, Freeman said.

Couples can’t wait to get back to their hotel rooms, she said. But

for singles, the evening has just begun.