Bravo to the irreplaceable moms

One of the best things about being alive is having a mom. While

people in the business world are easily replaced, and even our heroes

come and go, there is for each of us only one mom.

Oh, sure, dads are very important, but let’s be honest. When you

really need to rely on someone to do something around the house or

get a family matter straightened out, we all turn to mom.

Most dads would love to tell you that they do their share of the

laundry and the dishes, or tell you that they do different but

equivalent work for the family, but it’s not the same. Moms are the

glue that holds a family together.

My mom held our family together for many years. As our family

moved from New York to St. Louis to Chicago to Los Angeles, mom was

the one painting the best possible spin on the trips.

When we came out to Los Angeles in 1963, she promised me that I

would never again have to live in the snow. So far, I haven’t seen a

single snowflake around any of the places I’ve lived in Southern

California over the past 40 years.

As I’ve written, our days before California were tough. Well, they

should have been tough. But the fried bologna dinners and the holes

in the soles of my shoes were minimized by mom.

“You’ll live” was constantly rolling off her tongue.

My mom was right. I did live. And her admonition has gone a long

way toward keeping my sanity, helping me to understand that most of

what we consider important in our lives doesn’t really mean a darn

thing.

I know that it is no consolation to the phone company when I’m a

few days late paying my bill or to the dry cleaners when I don’t pick

up my clothes for several months, as I did recently, but when I

prioritize what’s important and what’s not, I can’t seem to get

around to some of this stuff.

I both blame and thank my mom.

We parents want to believe that we’re always setting the best

possible examples for our kids and that that is the best way to raise

our children, but moms are the one who really walk the talk. Moms are

kind and forgiving and possess a far stronger will and stubbornness

-- a good thing -- than dads.

Some moms have it tougher than other moms. They are the single

moms who often have to depend on others to do what couples take for

granted. The moms I know are independent people, and I believe that

it bugs the single ones that they have to rely on others.

But they don’t complain. The single moms I know don’t have time to

complain. They possess a single-mindedness, a clear sense of purpose

and determination that would be a fine example for many business

leaders.

Tomorrow is their day, too, for this is not Mother’s Day for

two-parent homes, it’s Mother’s Day for all moms, including the

incredibly courageous moms who have gave their children up for

adoption because they knew their kids would be better off.

I don’t want a national holiday for those moms, but I wish they

were recognized in a bigger way.

These days, my observations of what moms are and how they handle

family life are based on watching my wife, Cay, the mom to our two

children.

Watching the joy she had working on school projects with our kids

inspired me to jump in and try it. She was right -- the chance to

work closely with a kid in school isn’t just a teachable moment, it

is fun.

For the past few months, I have been involved in a substantial

writing project, one that has taken up far too much of my time, but

that I fully expect will provide some significant benefits in the

near future. The project runs concurrent with all of my other work.

During this time, Cay the mom has shown our kids what it is to be

half of a parenting team. She has picked up the slack around the

house and is very patient while I work to get over this hump.

That’s what moms do.

And when I complain about working too much and not having a moment

to myself anymore, she will check me, reminding me that all of this

is voluntary, telling me to “get over it.”

That’s her version of “You’ll live.”

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.