Surrender is certain with Barney in the arsenal

It was nearly five years ago, but the mere mention of her tormentor

brought back vivid memories. Those words. That tune. That big purple

dinosaur brought Deb Zimmerman many sleepless nights.

“I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family ... “ the lyrics to

the theme song for the popular children’s show Barney & Friends

replayed in her head. Zimmerman subconsciously swayed her head back

and forth and started muttering the infamous words -- then snapped

out of it.

“I vividly remember when my oldest was 2 and my second was a

newborn,” the Costa Mesa mother said. “I would be up in the middle of

the night, with that Barney song on. I would be stuck with that song

in my head when I went back to bed. It was like a tape recorder

playing over and over and over again. Believe me, it was driving me

crazy at the time because I wanted to sleep.”

Apparently, the psychological effects of ultra-simple lyrics, sung

in repetitive fashion by a large, brightly-colored dinosaur -- who

sounds as though he has a permanent head cold -- are dreadful. United

States military officials have reportedly used various Barney tunes,

along with other children’s songs, to crack Iraqi prisoners of war.

Zimmerman should get a purple heart for her contact with the

purple dinosaur.

“I love you, you love me ... .” It’s going to be stuck in your

head all day.

Parents and caretakers interviewed at Mariner’s Park Tuesday were

all familiar with at least one Barney tune and almost all of them had

faced repeated exposure to such cruelty. Most laughed at the thought

of a big purple dinosaur being used as a tool of war, but agreed it

would be effective.

“Hearing that is pretty good torture,” said nanny Shelly Kolo. “I

usually flip over half way through the episode.”

Iraqi informants have reportedly been inundated with these catchy

little tunes 24-hours a day, seven days a week until they spill the

beans. Reports did not specify the exact songs used to break the

prisoners, but Barney favorites include such hits as, “Up is up and

down is down,” “The idea song,” and the ever-popular, “I put a smile

on.”

Big Bird songs have also been part of the reported arsenal.

At this rate, Raffi could be considered a weapon of mass

destruction.

Those at Mariners Park said they could handle about 20 minutes

before flipping their lid.

Jennifer Mauser, mother of a 1-year-old boy, said her son loves

Barney and the Teletubbies -- all the “annoying ones.”

“If he hears it, he’ll run right in the room,” said Mauser, who

watches the programs with her son because he likes to cuddle. “I can

usually do about 20 minutes, which is really good for me. It’s

usually about all he can handle too.”

Ray Alstadt said he had enough of the purple dinosaur while

baby-sitting nieces and nephews to know better than to introduce it

to his daughter.

“I was burnt out on Barney before Megan was even born,” Alstadt

said.

Everybody now! “I love you, you love me ... .”

The first part of the song may be true but it doesn’t seem that

kind of dino-love is shared by many adults. Costa Mesa mother Shannon

Schofield said the oversized reptile was banned from her house before

her son got a chance to get hooked.

“I never allowed that in my house because of that song,” Schofield

said. “At least they found a good use for it.”

Newport Beach baby-sitter Jill Anderson said it takes a lot more

than Barney to crack her psyche. Anderson takes care of four

children, from 8 months to 6-years-old and said the songs simply

blend into the background.

“I’ve been exposed to it a lot -- a lot -- and I don’t think it’s

torture,” she said. “Whatever keeps them occupied.

The resilient caretaker even had suggestions for other songs that

might help the U.S. find out pertinent information. Anderson

suggested “Skidamarink” -- you know, the song that goes, “Skidamarink

a dink a dink, skidamarink a doo, I love you [echo].”

“‘It’s a small world’ would probably do it too,” Anderson said.

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and

covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275 or

by e-mail at lolita.harper@latimes.com.