A glue for marriage

“Marriage begins when two people make the clear, unqualified promise

to be faithful, each to the other, until the end of their days. That

spoken promise makes the difference. A promise made, a promise

witnessed, a promise heard, remembered and trusted -- this is the

groundwork of marriage.

Not emotions. No, not even love. Not physical desires or personal

needs or sexuality. Not the practical fact of living together. Not

even the piercing foresight or some peculiar miracle of all-seeing

God. Rather, a promise, a vow, makes the marriage, for we create, in

this promise, a new thing, a changeless stability in an ever-changing

world.”

-- WALTER WANGERIN JR.

“I wish someone had told me how hard marriage can be,” a friend

said sadly. “Our only hope now is a good counselor.”

We talked about the obvious benefit of good counseling, but also

that God can bring hope and healing to the hurting.

Marriage, like life, is full of challenges and changes, some

positive, others painful. Only God is unchanging, and he can be the

glue to mend frazzled or even failed relationships.

My husband, Jon, and I went to a celebration of another couple’s

anniversary.

“Our friends have had an instrumental part in our marriage,” the

wife said.

She explained that some years, she didn’t feel like celebrating

and sometimes she struggled to find an anniversary card.

“The evening was special because we’re doing so much better,

thanks to prayer and godly counsel,” she said later. “There are also

times I need to be quiet and work on myself.”

“We wouldn’t be where we are today without God, and the

accountability, affirmation, encouragement and support of close

friends and family,” her husband said. “I don’t know how two people

can make it alone. We wanted to pay tribute to the people who have

helped make our marriage successful. We need and have people who are

brutally honest.”

He also said that it’s been good for their children to see them

struggle through the hard times and not just give up. Husband and

wife are excited about their marriage and future.

Last weekend, our daughter Kelly and her husband, Ryan, celebrated

their first anniversary.

They have a great balance of maturity and purposefulness, as well

as spontaneity and playfulness in their relationship. They actively

seek to honor and follow God in their lives. It’s refreshing to watch

their marriage off to such a healthy start, and I smile when I see

them holding hands.

I also loved observing my grandparent’s marriage. They were

married almost 60 years when they passed away, just a few months

apart from each other. It was always a treat to be with them, and

even when they left our house, it was special. I’d run to a window to

watch as they walked away hand in hand.

Whether you are married or single, God loves you and wants to be

part of your life and your relationships. He is also more than

willing to make and keep his vow with you to be your heavenly father

and to meet your deepest needs.

You can ask him today, and then you too will have anniversaries to

celebrate again and again, and you can live in love, hand-in-hand

with the God of the universe.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at

cindy@onthegrow.com or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.