‘Hollywood Homicide’ a fun poke at the scene

“Hollywood Homicide” is an action comedy directed by Ron Shelton

(“Bull Durham,” “White Men Can’t Jump”), written by Robert Souza &

Ron Shelton and stars Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett (“Pearl

Harbor”).

The story: Veteran detective Joe Gavilan (Ford), a weary but

tenacious cop at the top of his game professionally, sees his

sideline profession as a realtor is rapidly unraveling while his

partner, K.C. Calden (Hartnett) appears to allow his extracurricular

work as a yoga teacher and aspiring actor take priority over the

high-profile gangland-style murder they are currently investigating.

The film also includes an eclectic supporting cast of Lena Olin,

Bruce Greenwood, Isaiah Washington, Lolita Davidovich, Keith David,

Master P, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dwight Yoakam, Frank Sinatra, Jr.,

Smokey Robinson, Gladys Knight, Robert Wagner, Eric Idle and Martin

Landau.

Bottom line: The film was better than I expected. Although most

critics have panned the movie, it actually has sequel potential

despite the unimpressive performance by Hartnett, and his character’s

forced back story/subplot involving the death of his father. Although

this is not standard fare for Ford, there are many delightful moments

such as witnessing Ricardo Brown, rapper KURUPT, in a paddle boat

chase scene, or Ford commandeering a girl’s pink bicycle during a

police chase, or Ford and Olin in a seductive fantasy scene with Ford

sporting mirrored glasses while eating a doughnut and saying witty

things like: “Just let me take my Ginkgo Biloba so I can remember

where I put my Viagra.”

The film’s script takes liberal jabs at the media, and lampoons

the Hollywood lifestyle; the film and recording industries as well as

the profession of “acting.” The film plays like a cross between “48

Hours” and “Cannonball Run,” but despite it’s far fetched and

contrived plot, I left smiling, and you may to. It’s worth the price

of admission to go and find out.

* RAY BUFFER, 33, is a professional singer, actor and voice-over

artist.

‘Italian Job’ better than predecessor

When I heard Hollywood had decided to remake the 1969 film “The

Italian Job,” I was a bit surprised. After all, the original film

starring Michael Caine was a largely forgettable caper comedy most

noted for its incredible car chase featuring Mini Coopers jumping

from roof to roof in Turin, Italy.

The 2003 version of “The Italian Job” is not a remake per se. The

lead characters share the same name, some of the action takes place

in Italy, and the famous Mini Coopers still figure prominently, but

this is an entirely new film otherwise. The association with the 1969

effort is somewhat misleading and probably of no benefit since the

target audience never saw the original film. Nonetheless, the new

version of “The Italian Job” stands on its own merits as a highly

entertaining action-packed caper film.

Mark Wahlberg stars as Charlie Croker, the mastermind of an

assemblage of criminal specialists. The film opens in beautifully

scenic Venice as the crew prepares to steal $35 million in gold bars

from a heavily guarded palazzo. To pull off this nearly impossible

heist, Charlie has employed the talents of a veteran safecracker

(Donald Sutherland), a computer genius (Seth Green), an explosives

expert (Mos Def), a high-tech second story man (Edward Norton) and

the best getaway driver available (Jason Statham).

In spectacular fashion, the robbery goes precisely as planned.

Rendezvousing in the Swiss Alps to split the loot, Charlie is

double-crossed by one of his own men who leaves the rest of the crew

for dead. It takes nearly a year for the stolen gold bars to surface

in Los Angeles and give Charlie a chance to avenge the betrayal. What

follows is a heist even more elaborate than the Venice escapade

utilizing a new safecracker (Charlize Theron), and of course, those

fabulous Mini Coopers.

A few performances stand out. Wahlberg is solid as the intensely

loyal criminal mastermind. Seth Green is hysterical as the computer

geek who insists on being called “The Napster” since he claims to

have written the music-downloading program that was subsequently

stolen while he slept by his college roommate. Mos Def, nicknamed

Left Ear due to his partial deafness resulting from a childhood

incident with firecrackers, is also quite funny as the somewhat shaky

explosives expert with a pronounced aversion to dogs. Statham, best

known to American audiences for his starring role in “The

Transporter,” again exhibits his considerable screen presence with a

sense of humor not seen in previous roles. Finally Norton, as he

showed in “The Score,” can play a two-faced weasel as well as anyone.

“The Italian Job” is a clever and well-done film and probably the

smartest action movie in current release. Like nearly all action

films, some sequences are beyond rational belief, but the intricate

planning and meshing of the various criminal specialties are fun to

watch. “The Italian Job” is two hours of pure entertainment with

exotic locales, good performances, and plenty of action, so go enjoy

without the guilt.

* VAN NOVACK, 48, is the director of institutional research at Cal

State Long Beach.

‘Wrong Turn’ is predictable

If horror movies have taught us anything, it’s never to leave the

main road when driving anywhere. When you venture out on your own,

you’ll probably encounter some terrible fate that’s worse than death.

People who stray from the flock are fodder for satanic cults needing

a human sacrifice, Chuck Conners and his deadly roadside attractions

and monstrous paper mache creatures from a prehistoric era.

“Wrong Turn” is yet another reminder of the consequences of

camping in locations that are not certified by KOA. Once again we

learn that people who just pitch a tent anywhere they please are

asking to be killed by inbred cannibals.

Normally I try to avoid writing any sort of spoilers into the

description of a movie. “Wrong Turn” is so incredibly bad that

there’s absolutely nothing to spoil. This movie reaches its peak

during the opening credits and then rapidly deteriorates. This is an

R- rated movie targeted toward pre-teens. For the most part it’s all

very sanitized, and the filmmakers could probably have gone for a PG

rating by editing some of the language out of the script.

In a remote part of the Appalachian Mountains, on dirt a road

between Raleigh, NC, and Greenville, SC, some deformed West Virginia

Mountain men stalk, kill and eat people. All of their victims look

like they belong in Old Navy TV commercials. Unfortunately the main

characters lack the complexity of the people in Old Navy ads, so I

found myself cheering for the mountain men to kill all of them. Too

bad Morgan Fairchild wasn’t with them.

On the surface, “Wrong Turn” is just an awful movie with

absolutely no redeeming qualities. When you reach beyond the surface,

however, “Wrong Turn” takes some interesting chances artistically.

For example, in most movies, it’s important for the camera to be

focused properly. “Wrong Turn” refuses to be constrained by this

rule. Sweeping overhead shots of the dense forest, combined with

carefully composed landscape views, are all painfully blurry. These

subtle visual cues underscore the story’s subtext. It’s easy to blur

the thin line that separates fashion models from inbred mutants.

Some movies are obviously made to go straight to video. “Wrong

Turn” seems made to go straight to the TV show “Mystery Science

Theater 3000,” so that all of the flaws can appropriately mocked.

I’ve checked several maps, and I still can’t find the part of West

Virginia that extends between the Carolinas. Putting this and other

amazingly stupid geographical errors aside, the movie still left me

with some big unanswered questions. Do breast implants really enable

a woman’s body to absorb the shock of falling off the side of a

cliff? When does plastic surgery make a person less appetizing to

cannibals? Should anyone expect to find a telephone in an area

without electrical or telephone wires? There are high school students

who can write better scripts than this one. When one of the

characters finds jars of pickled human remains and says, “I think we

need to get out of here,” I swear I heard the entire theater let out

a collective “duh!”

If you have the itch to go see this movie, don’t. You’re better

off renting either the original “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or “The

Hills Have Eyes.” “Hills” is one of my favorites because one of the

villains looks just like the lead singer for the band Midnight Oil.

“Wrong Turn” isn’t worth seeing as a rental unless you love truly bad

movies. This movie is so bad that Ed Wood would be proud.

* JIM ERWIN, 40, is a technical writer and computer trainer.