Kobe made more than a mistake

For a few minutes, let’s put aside the question of Kobe Bryant’s

guilt or innocence on sexual assault charges and concentrate on the

adultery to which he confessed on July 18.

Adultery is a major cause of the disintegration of the family, and

all of the noise about Bryant, a Newport Coast resident, can be

boiled down to one perfect comment by a basketball fan who was quoted

in the Daily Pilot: “He’s an idiot.”

That’s exactly what every dad in the community is thinking. Some

of them are thinking that Bryant is an idiot for getting caught, but

most of them think he’s an idiot for throwing away a dream life for

one roll in the hay.

Bryant had it all: a wife who loves him, the start of a family, a

successful career, more money than he could spend and everyone in

good health.

But it wasn’t enough. Bryant had to give in to his weakness and

risk it all for a one-night stand. Now, even if his wife stays with

him and they go through the most extensive and expensive counseling

they can afford, their relationship will never be the same. For

starters, they’ll both need to get some testing for HIV and other

sexually transmitted diseases every three months for a while. That’s

nice news to bring home to your wife.

Years from now, his little daughter is going to find out about the

headlines Bryant is making today. But I doubt that being a

responsible father and role model was on his mind as he got into bed

with a complete stranger.

What really fried me was the pathetic, sloppy, syrupy ode Bryant

gave to his wife at the press conference on July 18.

“And I love my wife with all my heart,” Bryant said. “She’s my

backbone. You’re a blessing. You’re a piece of my heart, you’re the

air I breathe. You’re the strongest person I know and I’m so sorry

for having to put you through this, and having to put our family

through this. And I’m a human being. I’m a man just like everybody

else.”

What a bunch of baloney. Bryant is not a man, because real men

don’t cheat on their wives. Real men don’t cheat on their wives and

then tell them that they are the air that they breathe or their

backbone or liver or anything else. Real men don’t use their wives in

front of the media in weepy, desperate, pathetic attempts to seem

like good guys. Talk is cheap, action is everything.

Real men don’t buy their wives $4-million diamond rings days after

they’ve cheated to assuage their guilt, the way Bryant did. That’s

not the kind of action that shows love.

Real men show their love by remaining faithful, by staying true to

the vows they took before God, family and friends. Real men show

their love and respect through the kind of action that doesn’t cost

any money.

Real men know that they’ll never hit the winning home run in the

World Series or make the 20-foot jumper with no time left on the

clock. They know they’ll never write the great American novel or

discover a cure for cancer. But that doesn’t bother them. They’re

like the Energizer bunny -- they just keep on going.

Real men are happy with their lives because they’ve achieved a

kind of bliss that superstars can’t understand. They know that life’s

joys come from the things that money can’t buy and that no parade of

other women can provide. Real men know that if there’s a chance

they’re going to be tempted, they’re not going to get married.

Please don’t bore me with the details about what a tough life it

is as a pro basketball player. No pro athlete ever quit because he

was tired of all the attention and the money.

Several people, including Bryant, have called his adultery a

“mistake.”

That’s baloney, too. A mistake is turning left instead of right or

arriving at the movies after the feature has started or wearing a

Yankees cap to an Angels game. Adultery is a conscious decision to

cheat.

Bryant’s adultery is magnified because of the nation’s investment

in the wrong heroes. We don’t place enough value on police officers,

firefighters and teachers because they can’t pack a stadium full of

people buying food and souvenirs. But if I had to pick someone to

rely on to get the job done day after day, Kobe Bryant would be at or

near the bottom of my list.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.