Getting to know all about you

CHASING DOWN THE MUSE

How much, really, do we know of one another?

In my neighborhood, we wave, smile and ask the obligatory, “How’re

you doing?” Wayne and Faye walk their new dog. Ann, racquet in hand,

takes off with Helga for the tennis courts. Byron jumps in his sedan

and heads to the city. Randy dons his uniform and lends his hands to

Laguna’s Public Works Department. Paul transforms paper and canvas

into art. I know of our comings and goings, and the type of job each

of us undertakes, but I know little of what constitutes the daily

bump and grind.

This thought began to percolate after a recent luncheon with Sen.

Bob Graham of Florida. The Senator was asked to speak about how he

spends his days, and his answer was quite illuminating.

Graham was a member of the Florida State Senate in 1974, when a

female educator, who said he knew nothing of the difficulties within

the school system, challenged him to spend time in the classroom. He

agreed. She called back a few days later to let him know everything

was arranged, that the following week he would be teaching 12th-grade

civics. He had expected to spend a few hours, not a semester, but as

an honorable man, he kept his promise.

Sen. Graham learned more about the educational system by being on

the inside than he could ever have learned from the outside, and took

on the task of repeatedly working a new job. Through his tenure as

state senator, his eight years as the Governor of Florida, and his

current role as a U.S. Senator, he has completed 386 “work days.” His

jobs have included service as a policeman, railroad engineer,

construction worker, fisherman, garbage man, factory worker, busboy

and baggage handler. As a public servant, Graham has taken the time

to know his constituency.

My grandmother always lectured, not to criticize a man unless I

had walked in his shoes. I usually quipped back, that I’d never fit

in his shoes, but as I grew to an adult, her point made more sense.

When my neighbor, Faye, leaves for work, what sort of day can she

expect? Are her co-workers considerate and courteous? Is her boss

respectful? Is she provided sufficient resources to successfully

complete each task? Does she have an intolerable commute? We never

speak of these things as we wave from our decks or our car windows,

but they are part of the fabric of her life.

Although we cannot walk in another’s shoes, sometimes getting up

close and personal can suffice. Workdays changed the way Sen. Graham

perceived those that he governed, and his stories reminded me to

question and revisit judgments I might hold.

Each time I assume I know what someone is going through, I’d

better check my homework. In truth, all I have is a set of

assumptions and generalizations that color my thinking. I can declare

someone is unmotivated if they don’t have a job, but is this

necessarily the truth? I fill in the blanks with my own pieces of

experience, but quite frankly, these are molded by a middle-class

upbringing in this wonderful beach community.

When I want to label someone lazy, I had better ask, “Am I?” When

I want to scream at someone to “try harder,” I’d better examine what

is hard enough. I’d better try on that other pair of shoes so that I

might better understand my world and my place within it. And I’d

better find out if my husband Steve really likes tofu, or if he just

says that to please me.

* CATHARINE COOPER sits on the City’s Open Space Committee. She

can be reached at ccooper@ cooperdesign.net or (949) 497-5081.