Divorce a measure of last resort

The very first pronouncement concerning the human condition in the

Bible is, “It is not good for a person to be alone.” Marriage is then

ordained as the goodly relationship designed to overcome the

condition that is “not good.”

The ideal of marriage is a permanent union, but Judaism understood

that sometimes marriages are unsuccessful and divorce is the best

recourse. As the old adage has it, “Love is a sweet dream, and

marriage is the alarm clock.” The marriage bond is holy, but while it

is inviolable, it is not indissoluble.

While every divorce is a personal tragedy, the rending of a fabric

that has been woven between two -- and usually more -- lives, Judaism

sees no justification for Jewish people involved in divorce to feel

they have necessarily acted wrongly or judge themselves as sinners.

After all, most people who marry do so for a mixture of healthy and

unhealthy reasons. In some situations, the unhealthy come to

dominate. When divorce becomes inevitable, each partner must

accurately assess the reasons for failure as well as his or her own

culpability. To not engage in such honest accounting, or to place the

whole blame on one’s spouse, is to risk that the same or a similar

mistake will be repeated.

RABBI MARK MILLER

Temple Bat Yahm

Divorce in Islam is permissible as a last resort, but yet is

considered an extremely undesirable and a detestable action in the

sight of God. The divorce procedure is strictly observed. It could be

a long and extensive process, and the reason for this is that divorce

has consequences and repercussions, not only upon the married couple,

but upon the children and unavoidably the immediate family and

society. When all efforts of reconciliation are exhausted and there

is no chance for the couple to lead a progressive life, then for the

safety of the couple and the children involved, this unsuccessful

marital bond has to come to an end.

IMAM MOSTAFA AL-QAZWINI

Islamic Educational

Center of Orange County

G-d created the institution of marriage to allow man and woman to

unite eternally. Because of the demands of our physical world and

because of the intricacies in any relationship between two people,

there will surely be obstacles to overcome in a marriage. We must

address these with the most vigor, patience and fortitude that we can

muster, for marriage is meant to be, in the words of our sages, “an

eternal edifice.”

Divorce should only be considered an absolute last resort, if a

couple has exhausted every possibility of reconciliation, and if they

and those they trust have decided that is the only remaining option.

We must see this time of rampant divorce as a signal from heaven

to firmly address the root causes. Let us decide to acknowledge the

need for G-d in our marriages. Let us commit to making our marriages

divine, to making our family’s home a place that helps fulfill our

G-dly mission on earth.

Remember, how we marry and cultivate our marriage determines not

just our own welfare, but the welfare of our children, our

grandchildren and generations well beyond them. Take your marriage

seriously. It is not just a commitment between you and your spouse --

it is a commitment between you, your spouse and G-d. Such a unity

gives off a light that shines throughout the world.

RABBI REUVEN MINTZ

Chabad Jewish Center

of Newport Beach