Fumed over gas prices

Bought gas lately? I have.

Notice the price? I did.

Like it? I don’t.

The average price per gallon in these parts has gone up 26% in the

last three weeks. That’s a lot. That’s a lot, fast. Let’s do the

math.

If your $1,250 house payment went up 26% in the last three weeks,

you’d cough up $1,575 this month. The price of that Blackberry PDA

you’ve been eyeing would have gone up from $550 to $693. That

romantic dinner for two that set you back $245 three weeks ago (it

was the wine) would have cost $308 this month. Yikes.

Do you see the problem? Twenty-six percent is a lot. Three weeks

ago, gas was about $1.67 a gallon. On Friday -- at the moment I slid

the credit card in and out, quickly, punched in my zip code, slowly,

hit enter, firmly, then pushed for regular grade -- it was $2.11.

That’s not good. In fact, it’s so not good, that when the pump handle

went “click,” the total came to $31.65. And keep in mind, we’re not

talking about a big manly SUV here. We’re talking about a little

wimpy-girlie Infiniti with a 15 gallon tank.

Speaking of gas pumps, why do they have to beep at you? You’re

minding your own business, pumping your gas and the pump decides to

get chatty.

“Beep -- Like some coffee? Come on inside!”

“Beep -- Need a car wash? Press ‘yes’!”

“Beep -- Hungry? Come on inside!”

Actually, I don’t want any coffee, I’ll decide when I need a car

wash, and if I even I were hungry, which I’m not, I think I’ll pass

on the microwaved dog and the 64-ounce Slushee, if that’s ok.

But it isn’t just the price of gas that makes me crazy. It’s the

fact that no one, no one, can ever explain why it happens. It’s one

of those great mysteries of life, like why can’t you tickle yourself?

How does dry cleaning work? What is that third credit-card receipt

they give you in restaurants now? And, for our purposes, why does the

price of gas go up and down like a yo-yo every now and then?

Every time it happens, there are some vagaries from oil experts

about rising crude oil prices, unrest in the Middle East ... blah,

blah, blah. That’s special.

But there’s been unrest in that region for thousands of years, and

since June, the price of crude oil for the U.S. market has gone up

8%. Besides the price of crude oil, the things that decide how much a

gallon of gas costs are: the cost of refining it, distributing it and

retailing it, and taxes.

The costs of refining and retailing have gone up or down a few

points since June, and taxes haven’t budged. The gas station owners

-- the bottom of the petroleum food chain -- have been making the

same five to ten cents a gallon they’ve been making for years. Let’s

review -- an 8% increase in crude oil prices since June, but a 26%

increase in gasoline prices in the last three weeks. Unless my math

fails me, that leaves 18% missing, unaccounted for, AWOL, gonzo,

poof, bub-bye. Where did it go? See the file under “Why can’t you

tickle yourself?” You will never know the answer to either question,

not now, not ever.

Of course, if the platinum-plus gas prices around here continue,

the politicians will eventually kick in. They will hold hearings and

press conferences. They will demand answers. They will want to know

exactly what’s going on and who’s causing it.

They will say they are as “mad as hell and they’re not going to

take it anymore.” They will say that the people of California will

not be used and abused -- to say nothing of gouged -- as long as they

have anything to say about it.

Unfortunately, when the hearings are held, oil industry experts

and representatives will say things like this: “It’s because, in some

Southern California counties, rack prices for unbranded are above

those for branded, and possibly those of dealer tank wagon, while in

other counties, branded rack prices exhibit their traditional

relationship of being higher than unbranded.”

At which point, the politicians will say things like, “Oh ... OK,”

and by the time everybody is done saying things, gas prices will drop

and everyone will go about their business until the next time prices

go through the roof, then drop -- except they never quite drop back

to where they were before the latest round of going through the roof,

do they? Of course not. That’s the game, and we all play it, and

whatever they charge, we’ll all pay it. The price doesn’t matter.

Is there anything we can do about it? Not that I know of. Because

around here, you are your car and it is you.

Sure, there are times when I dream about the days when the

waitress gave you two copies, not three, and gas pumps didn’t talk,

but you can’t stop progress.

Drive on. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached by e-mail at ptrb4@aol.com.