Winning should not be everything

Richard Brunette

I just read the “No competition for competitive sports” column by

Lolita Harper in the Monday edition of the Daily Pilot. Having felt

for many years that behavior at youth sports events was out of

control, and as a longtime advocate for teaching positive behavior

and values through youth sports, I have a few comments.

I agree with some points in Harper’s article, but I think she

struck out swinging regarding competition and the primary reasons

some youth sports leagues are attempting to stress fun and

participation over competition, winning and losing.

Thousands of people here in Southern California and across the

nation feel that youth sports programs in general have been doing a

very poor job when it comes to teaching respect and good

sportsmanship, both to the youth in their programs as well as to the

parents and coaches of these youth. Therefore, while many youth

sports programs are attempting to reinforce the positive aspects of

youth sports, they aren’t exactly trying to eliminate competition or

pretend it doesn’t exist.

I agree with Harper when she indicates many lessons learned in

youth sports carry on into other areas of our lives. Gaining

self-confidence and learning the value of teamwork, honesty, ethics

and fair play, respect, hard work, effort and to always do your best,

are but a few of the things we can learn from participating in

sports. These values translate directly into principles we should

value and put into play in our adult lives, too.

But I think, as a society, we’ve lost touch with these values, and

as we’ve strayed further and further onto the win-at-all-cost

athletic fields of America, we’ve lost touch with most of the

positive aspects of sports and athletics. And often, it’s not the

kids, it’s the parents and coaches that need serious attitudinal

adjustments if we’re going to reverse things.

All my life, as an athlete, a coach, and as a 25-year municipal

parks and recreation employee, I’ve seen and heard things screamed at

kids from the sidelines by parents and coaches that have amazed me.

Harper used a negative hypothetical example to prove her point of a

little boy in a noncompetitive-style baseball game dropping a routine

fly ball and suffering no consequences, and therefore learning

nothing, since it’s a warm and fuzzy feel-good league where feelings

shouldn’t be hurt.

Well, I remember as a kid in Little League baseball an umpire

being beaten up after a game he supposedly made a “bad call” in. And

I remember one of my teammates dropping a routine fly ball in a game

and his father screaming in rage that if he does that again, he

better not come home for dinner that night. I think most of us would

prefer our children’s youth sports experiences to be somewhere in the

middle of these extremes.

From the youth arena to the world of professional sports, it is

too often reinforced today that the sole purpose for playing a game

or sport is the end result, that is, to win or lose. The outcome has

become more important than the playing of the game itself. For

example: What’s the first question usually asked a child upon

returning from a sport they’ve just participated in? I’ll bet 10 to

one it’s “Did you win?”

The problems with this attitude are too numerous to mention, and

the negative byproducts of this mentality are evident everywhere in

sports, as well as in our everyday lives.

We’ve got high school and college students being given passing

grades when they shouldn’t have just because they are star athletes.

A pro athlete spits in the face of an umpire and is allowed to

continue to play because he is an all-star. Horrendous or illegal

behavior of athletes is tolerated, or worse, covered up, because they

can be the difference between winning or losing. Cheating is almost

expected, as long as it helps you or the team win.

And its not just in sports where the win-at-all-cost attitude is

affecting us all. In the corporate world, Enron executives cook their

books, or electric companies illegally manipulate power for profit,

and the list goes on and on. Lying, cheating and fraud are so

commonplace, it’s almost acceptable and seems necessary; if you want

to “win,” that is.

As adults, maybe we need to better define what “winning” means.

As a nation, we literally work ourselves to death. Fifty, 60-,

70-hour work-weeks are necessary in order to “be the best.” Stress,

hypertension and cardiovascular disease are killing us. But we have

to “be the best and win,” right? Win at all cost. Win if it means you

have to cheat. Win if it means you have to hurt the kid on the other

team. Win, win, win! It’s all that matters.

Clearly, our priorities, both in the sporting and the real world,

are askew and need fixing.

Lessons learned in youth carry on into adulthood. So what are we

teaching our youth? In sports and the real world, the phrase “it’s

not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game” has been

replaced by “who cares how you play the game, you better win, or it’s

not worth playing.” Winning has become so important that we’ve lost

sight of everything else.

Simply listen to the adults at any youth sports event on any

playground across America. I’m surprised the kids can play at all

over the din created by the parents and coaches screaming at them

from the sidelines. When I attend these events, I constantly have to

stifle the urge to ask parents and coaches to stop yelling and just

let the kids play. This win-lose mentality completely fails to take

into account what should be the primary purposes for playing any game

or sport -- the sheer fun, joy and healthy benefits of participation.

The focus of youth sports, particularly for young children, should be

on having fun while learning the basic skills and rules of the game

in an environment of healthy competition.

Once again, I agree with Harper. It’s not the competition aspect

that is bad; quite the contrary. Competition can be healthy and is a

part of every game or sport we play. Competition is an important part

of life and helps us to improve and be better at whatever it is we’re

doing.

But many children are often taught the exaggerated importance of

competition, which is to “be the best” and to “win at all cost.”

Being the best and winning becomes more important than doing your

best, having fun and playing fair.

The pressure brought on by the win/lose mentality puts a lot of

stress on youth and can create intense performance anxiety. Frequent

studies and journal articles identify three of the top 10 reasons

children quit sports is because “it wasn’t fun,” “there was too much

pressure (worry)” and there was an “over-emphasis on winning.” Simply

put, children are often so scared they won’t do well that they have

no fun while actually playing and ultimately they quit the sport. How

can we teach them the important life-lessons they need to learn

through sports if they quit playing the game ?

How would I address this issue? Well, it’s such a societal

problem, so deeply rooted in the American psyche, that it’ll be hard

to change, and no single approach will reverse things entirely. After

all, Americans love to win and have little tolerance for losers.

But my answer is that it is very important that all youth sports

programs try to educate parents and coaches, as well as the children

in their programs, on the type of behavior that is acceptable at

youth sporting events, and we need to re-emphasize what is really

important about the lessons we learn from participating in youth

sports. We learn the values and principals that we should hold dear

as adults. This should be a priority for all youth sports programs

and leagues, just like learning the rules and fundamentals of a sport

are. Remember, like bad sportsmanship and poor values, good

sportsmanship and good values don’t just happen, they are taught.

So whether you are a parent, coach, or simply come into contact

with youth sports participants after a game, ask the kids if they had

fun, not who won or lost. Ask them if they had fun and what they

learned. After all, winning isn’t everything, and it is important how

you play the game, not whether you win or lose.

* EDITOR’S NOTE: Richard Brunette is a Costa Mesa resident.