A case of extreme physical cruelty

ROBERT GARDNER

Once upon a time, divorce was a rare and difficult thing. This was

before no-fault divorces. With no-fault, a person can wake up in the

morning, look at his wife of 30 years, decide he needs a newer model

and get the marriage dissolved post haste.

In the days before no-fault, it wasn’t that some people didn’t

want to trade in the old mate. It was just it was more of a

challenge.

In the days of which I speak, before one could secure even a

default divorce, it was necessary to corroborate the testimony of the

plaintiff. This meant that every morning, before starting our regular

cases, we judges had to listen to a string of plaintiffs tell their

stories of cruelty, whether physical or mental, and then listen to

their friends or neighbors attest that their testimony was true.

Most of the time, it was both silly and boring, but there was one

memorable case. I shall call the parties Smith. Mrs. Smith was

charging Mr. Smith with “extreme mental and physical cruelty.”

“Smith versus Smith,” I called.

“I will call Mrs. Smith as my first witness,” the attorney

intoned. “Mrs. Smith, come forward, please.”

As physical cruelty was charged, I was expecting someone on the

small side, someone a man could easily bully. I almost went into

shock when Mrs. Smith appeared.

Petite she was not. I don’t mean to be cruel, but if King Kong had

needed a mate, central casting couldn’t have done better than Mrs.

Smith. She was gigantic.

Mrs. Smith lurched across the courtroom toward the witness stand,

fortunately missing tables and chairs that would have been smashed

into kindling had she collided with any of them. I held my breath as

she fitted her large rump into the witness chair. Fortunately, it

held. She flexed the muscles on her huge arms and glared at the world

through angry red eyes.

I was completely intimidated. I would have granted her a divorce

right then and there -- or a $1-million judgment had she asked for

it.

After establishing the basic jurisdictional facts, her attorney

launched into his presentation. Did Mr. Smith drink to excess? Yes.

Did he gamble away the family money? Yes. Was he financially

irresponsible? Yes. The litany of domestic horrors went on.

Then came the clincher. “Did Mr. Smith ever use physical force on

you?” asked the attorney. An affirmative answer came through gritted

teeth as Mrs. Smith recalled the incident.

Then the lawyer called the corroborating witness, a neighbor. She

testified that Mr. Smith was a no-good lush, a thoroughly worthless

addition to the Smith household, maybe even to the human race. Then

came the classic line:

Attorney: “Are you aware that Mr. Smith once used physical

violence on Mrs. Smith?”

Witness: “Yes.”

Attorney: “Did you actually see the incident?”

Witness: “Well, not exactly. I got there right after Mr. Smith hit

Mrs. Smith and just before they took him to the hospital.”

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge.

His column runs Tuesdays.