Words will always hurt you

MICHELE MARR

Children have long grown up with the taunts of peers and the familiar

antidote, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never

hurt me.”

But anyone, child or adult, who has nursed the sting of a good

tongue-lashing or the wounds of rumor or ridicule, knows this truism

just isn’t true.

In William Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing,” Benedick wins

our sympathy when, lamenting the sharp tongue of Beatrice, he says,

“She speaks poniards, and every word stabs: if her breath were as

terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she

would infect to the North Star.”

We have, most of us, each met our own Beatrice. Yet, day-to-day,

we tend to pay little attention to the damage done by gossip,

mean-spirited humor or other hurtful words, written or spoken --

unless they are directed toward us.

Weekly, gossip tabloids sell by the millions. Radio and late-night

talk shows, online chats, water cooler and coffee klatches, knock

celebrities and politicians down a peg or two with insinuating, witty

or just plain nasty barbs.

Gossip haunts our schools, our workplaces and our neighborhoods.

Many homes are not even safe havens from in-your-face or

behind-your-back banter -- or worse -- about who did what they

shouldn’t have done or who didn’t do what they should have.

Several weeks ago, during a break from a bioethics class I audited

at Biola University, I perused the bulletin board for the linguistics

department across from the forum where my class met. There I read a

yellowing newspaper clipping about a national campaign called “Words

Can Heal,” the endeavor of a nonprofit organization called

WordsCanHeal.org.

The campaign was launched on Sept. 4 at the start of the 2001

school year in an effort “to reduce verbal violence and gossip,” in

response to several reports that assessed the breadth and influence

of verbal intimidation and bullying among students.

The National Education Assn. reported that 160,000 children skip

school every day to avoid intimidation or humiliation by their peers,

while a study by the National Institute of Health published in the

Journal of the American Medical Assn. disclosed that 5- to 7-million

children in sixth through 10th grade have experienced some kind of

bullying. And according to a U.S. Department of Education report, 77%

of middle school and high school students have been bullied by other

students.

WordsCanHeal.org commissioned a poll, conducted by Luntz/Laszlo,

which found that 90% of Americans believe that verbal violence and

gossip is a problem in our schools, our homes and our workplaces.

The campaign seeks “to promote the value and practice of ethical

speech in order to improve our democracy, build mutual respect, honor

and integrity in our country.”

Its Web site offers a lot of online resources to help all of us

break the habits of spreading or listening to gossip or resorting to

unkind words.

There is a pledge to take, which begins, “I pledge to think more

about the words I use. I will try to see how gossip hurts people,

including myself, and work to eliminate it from my life. I will try

to replace words that hurt with words that encourage, engage and

enrich ...”

There is a free, semi-monthly, e-mail newsletter to subscribe to,

which includes tips and stories and other information about how to

use words in encouraging, constructive ways.

There are kits designed to inspire and illustrate the positive use

of language at home, in school and in the workplace, as well as a

book, “The Words Can Heal Handbook,” subtitled “How Changing Your

Words Can Transform Your Life and Lives of Others.”

The kits and the handbook can all be read on the Internet at

WordsCanHeal.org, or downloaded to print or purchased from the Web

site. In them, quotes from various philosophers and several faith

traditions attest to the power of words.

In the kit is a quote from Jewish tradition: “Three people are

damaged by gossip: the gossiper, the listener and the victim. One

simple comment can travel far, damaging everyone in its wake.”

From Siddhartha Gomo, Buddha: “Whatever words we utter should be

chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them

for good or ill.”

The handbook quotes Mother Teresa: “Kind words can be short and

easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

Part of a verse taken from the proverbs of Solomon and paraphrased

in “The Words Can Heal Handbook,” when quoted in full from the Good

News Bible translation, puts the campaign’s message in a nutshell:

“Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely

spoken words can heal.” Proverb 12:18

Sticks and stones can break bones but words can break a heart and

a spirit -- or mend them.

* MICHELE MARR is a freelance writer from Huntington Beach. She

can be reached at michele@soulfoodfiles.com.