Drop the mask and get to know one another
CHERRIL DOTY
“You don’t know me.”
The phrase echoes in my mind. It won’t go away. I hear the
expression in my head. It appears on a T-shirt a young man is wearing
when I go to the movies. It is in the book that I read. I cannot seem
to escape the words.
Seeking clarity, I take myself for a walk on the long stretch of
Crystal Cove beach. On this gorgeous autumn day I walk the line of
the shore carved out by tide and time. Shorebirds go about their
business unbothered by my silent passing. The marbled godwit (what a
delightful naming this is!) probes in the sand with its upturned
bill. Carcasses of hermit crabs and bits of colored glass mingle with
shards of rock and shell along the tide line.
Still, I hear “You don’t know me.” What can this mean? The answers
skitter away from me like the sanderlings scurrying along the wet
sand at my approach. My merry muse is giving me quite a chase on this
October morning.
As Halloween approaches, thoughts have turned to masks and
mask-making, the chance to dress up to “play the fool.” As I walk, my
attention turns to this connection. The origin of celebration of this
time goes back to the years before Christianity, to Druid customs and
beliefs adopted by the Celts.
As we can imagine, much of this lore was magic -- and fear-based.
It was feared that as the power of the summer sun ended, life ended
as well. During that time of perceived rampant dangers and omens the
people lighted bonfires to fortify the dying flames of the sun and
offered sacrifices to ward off the evil spirits of the dead. Many of
the customs survived and even became part of the Christian holy day
-- All Saints’ Day -- on Nov. 1.
Today, the customs of trick or treat, dressing in costumes,
carving ghoulish-faced pumpkins still add a mischievous and often
bizarre aspect. Halloween merrymaking may be eerie and spooky but it
is totally divorced from the macabre roots of Samhain, the Celtic
festival of old. Or is it?
Masks keep us hidden and distant. This may be fine for the
mischief and fun of Halloween, but what of the “masks” we continue to
use in our daily lives? Throughout history, people in almost every
society have used masks as a disguise. By hiding the features of the
face, masks prevent other people from making judgments about the
wearer’s personality and character.
The “masks” worn today in our social lives serve the same purpose
as historically -- to protect us from the judgment of others. How can
we get close and personal if we remain hidden? How can we be “real”
with each other, cut through the judgments and assumptions, even
begin to really know each other -- in all of our diversity -- if we
do not drop the artifice? In our quest for personal safety behind
these very masks, we still have an emotional need as well. We still
long to love and be loved, to be close, intimate and personal with
others. We need to move on, to take some risk here.
Sometimes I dream of a world in which honor and trust and truth
and integrity and love and caring are REAL and consistent. It would
be a world where the judgments of others -- or fear of them -- would
not immobilize us. It would be a world without masks. It would be a
world in which we could all be far more effective toward our own
development and that of others. It would be a world filled with
possibilities.
Since acceptance by others and self-acceptance are mutually
dependent, perhaps we need only trust ourselves and accept our real
selves enough to make the move. Value who you are -- your strengths
and your weaknesses. If we want to be known and to know others, we
must first drop our masks and make an approach.
* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist, and
walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. Contact her by e-mail at
coach@cherrildoty.com or by phone at (949) 251-3993.
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