Drop the mask and get to know one another

CHERRIL DOTY

“You don’t know me.”

The phrase echoes in my mind. It won’t go away. I hear the

expression in my head. It appears on a T-shirt a young man is wearing

when I go to the movies. It is in the book that I read. I cannot seem

to escape the words.

Seeking clarity, I take myself for a walk on the long stretch of

Crystal Cove beach. On this gorgeous autumn day I walk the line of

the shore carved out by tide and time. Shorebirds go about their

business unbothered by my silent passing. The marbled godwit (what a

delightful naming this is!) probes in the sand with its upturned

bill. Carcasses of hermit crabs and bits of colored glass mingle with

shards of rock and shell along the tide line.

Still, I hear “You don’t know me.” What can this mean? The answers

skitter away from me like the sanderlings scurrying along the wet

sand at my approach. My merry muse is giving me quite a chase on this

October morning.

As Halloween approaches, thoughts have turned to masks and

mask-making, the chance to dress up to “play the fool.” As I walk, my

attention turns to this connection. The origin of celebration of this

time goes back to the years before Christianity, to Druid customs and

beliefs adopted by the Celts.

As we can imagine, much of this lore was magic -- and fear-based.

It was feared that as the power of the summer sun ended, life ended

as well. During that time of perceived rampant dangers and omens the

people lighted bonfires to fortify the dying flames of the sun and

offered sacrifices to ward off the evil spirits of the dead. Many of

the customs survived and even became part of the Christian holy day

-- All Saints’ Day -- on Nov. 1.

Today, the customs of trick or treat, dressing in costumes,

carving ghoulish-faced pumpkins still add a mischievous and often

bizarre aspect. Halloween merrymaking may be eerie and spooky but it

is totally divorced from the macabre roots of Samhain, the Celtic

festival of old. Or is it?

Masks keep us hidden and distant. This may be fine for the

mischief and fun of Halloween, but what of the “masks” we continue to

use in our daily lives? Throughout history, people in almost every

society have used masks as a disguise. By hiding the features of the

face, masks prevent other people from making judgments about the

wearer’s personality and character.

The “masks” worn today in our social lives serve the same purpose

as historically -- to protect us from the judgment of others. How can

we get close and personal if we remain hidden? How can we be “real”

with each other, cut through the judgments and assumptions, even

begin to really know each other -- in all of our diversity -- if we

do not drop the artifice? In our quest for personal safety behind

these very masks, we still have an emotional need as well. We still

long to love and be loved, to be close, intimate and personal with

others. We need to move on, to take some risk here.

Sometimes I dream of a world in which honor and trust and truth

and integrity and love and caring are REAL and consistent. It would

be a world where the judgments of others -- or fear of them -- would

not immobilize us. It would be a world without masks. It would be a

world in which we could all be far more effective toward our own

development and that of others. It would be a world filled with

possibilities.

Since acceptance by others and self-acceptance are mutually

dependent, perhaps we need only trust ourselves and accept our real

selves enough to make the move. Value who you are -- your strengths

and your weaknesses. If we want to be known and to know others, we

must first drop our masks and make an approach.

* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist, and

walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. Contact her by e-mail at

coach@cherrildoty.com or by phone at (949) 251-3993.