Take out your pencils

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Remember back when you were in school, there was always one kid who

would say stuff like, “Teacher, you forgot to collect our homework,”

or, God forbid, “I thought you were going to give us a test today”?

You know, the kid with the perennial black eye who walked as if

his undergarments had been forcibly lodged someplace they weren’t

supposed to be?

Well, you’ll be happy to know that that kid is alive and well and

living in Newport Beach. How do I know? Because he specifically asked

me to administer a test. For his own protection, I will withhold the

identity of this teacher’s pet. I’ll tell you only that he’s already

in hot water with some of you. Let’s call him P. Arst. No, wait.

That’s too obvious. We’ll call him Phil A.

Actually, I should make clear that this eager student suggested

only that I include a little exercise to accompany each week’s

column. But because I haven’t yet figured out a good way to do that,

I’m administering a whole darn test and blaming it on him.

So put away your old newspapers, sit at attention and keep your

revenge plotting silent as we go through the first-ever Business of

Language pop quiz.

Question 1: How is your boss different from Jesus? Whoa, whoa,

slow down there. I’ll be more specific. Tell me whether the

possessive is written correctly in the following sentence: Jesus’

teachings are in the Bible.

Now, compare that with this sentence: The boss’s teachings are of

biblical importance to the boss alone.

Remember the rule? Neither did I. In fact, I had to look up my own

column from June 30.

For plain old nouns that end in S, make them possessive by adding

an apostrophe and an S. For proper names that end in S, add only the

apostrophe. Therefore, both the examples above are correct.

There’s a little twisteroo to this rule to keep in mind. If the

next word begins with an S, only add an apostrophe, regardless of

whether you’re working with a common noun or a proper noun. So, it’s

the boss’s daughter and the boss’ son.

Hmm. Let’s see ... what other nasty blasts from the past can I

hurl at you from long-forgotten columns? Ah, yes. Question 2: Super

Duper Mart has low prices every day or everyday? And, as a result,

does it have everyday low prices or every day low prices?

The key word here is “modifier,” which nine times out of 10 means

an adjective. “Everyday” is one word when it’s acting as an adjective

and two words otherwise. The store has everyday low prices, and it

has them every day. OK?

Question 3: I can’t wait ‘til Christmas? Or I can’t wait till

Christmas? Contrary to all logic, the second one is correct. Unlike

‘tis and similarly shortened expressions and contractions, this one

doesn’t take an apostrophe or economize much on the number of letters

used. The shortened version of “until” is “till.”

Question 4: What is the best television program of all time? a)

“Good Day L.A.”; b) “The Simpsons”; or c) any fast-food commercial

that shows a young woman eating a cheeseburger while riding a

mechanical bull? If you answered a), you seriously missed the point

of a recent column. If you answered c), I must ask you never to read

my work again.

Now, for the grading. If you got one question correct, you still

get an A, as long as it was Question 4. If you got two right, I’d say

that’s pretty good. If you got three right, that’s excellent. And if

you got all four questions right, you could probably convince my boss

to let you take over writing this column.

But heed this warning: Like all bosses, mine is quite different

from Jesus.

Class dismissed.

Run, Phil. Run!

* JUNE CASAGRANDE covers Newport Beach and John Wayne Airport. She

may be reached at (949) 574-4232 or by e-mail at june.casagrande

@latimes.com.