Local man has cold, suffers horribly

SHERWOOD KIRALY

So I have the cold that’s been going around. As you may know, the

cold that’s going around is more than a case of sniffles. This is the

kind of cold that flattens you and destroys your will. I feel bad now

about calling our daughter a sissy when she got it last week.

I’m too sick to read and haven’t the strength to change channels.

In the last few days I’ve seen ads for the Balance Bracelet, which

apparently keeps you correctly ionized; a little brush that cleans

your eyeglasses if you scrape them with steel wool; the Clean Between

Machine, which does all that dental floss can do and more; and a

clipper that cuts all the hair in those tricky places.

These are ads I would never hear if I were healthy, because I’m so

fast with the remote. But I’ve lost my reflexes along with my

resistance. I just lie there and think, “Hunh.”

The funny thing is, I was about to beat this cold. On Christmas

Day I was well enough for the family meal, putting up a good fight

against the symptoms. My mood was fine. It had been an OK year, with

prospects for 2004. And then somebody read a Christmas newsletter

from Patti Jo’s childhood baby-sitter, Linda. I made a little

excerpt:

Linda works at Pasadena’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory as deputy

project scientist for the Casini mission to Saturn (arrival in July

2004). She’s been busy planning infrared ring observations as a

member of the Composite Infrared Spectrometer team while continuing

her research on the thermal properties of Saturn’s rings.

Her husband, whose duties at JPL include mission concept

generation, is on the National Research Council’s Committee on

Planetary and Lunar Exploration. This year was his first as vice

president of the Kansas State University Geology Advisory Council.

Next year it looks like he’ll be back in the planetary laboratory for

more measurements of how Jupiter’s atmosphere affects radio waves.

Their daughters . . . oh, never mind.

The effect of such a newsletter on a lazy man with embryonic cold

symptoms can be decisive. For days I’ve drifted in and out of

consciousness, dimly aware that Linda does more by 9 a.m. than I’ve

done in my whole life. My thoughts have been disjointed, feverish,

influenced by TV. I remember thinking that I’ve heard the name “Oscar

Mayer” since I was 4 years old and yet I know nothing about the man.

Today my thoughts have been more recovery-oriented. It may not be

too late for me. Maybe, with the Clean Between Machine, the Balance

Bracelet and the hair clipper, I can make a new start. I can regain

my health and my self-esteem.

Accomplish something.

I just have to be careful about dampness, and germs and comparing

myself with Linda.

* SHERWOOD KIRALY is a Laguna Beach resident. He has written four

novels, three of which were critically acclaimed.