No braking for acronyms

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that I hate sport utility

vehicles. Would I be hating S.U.V.’s, S.U.V.s, SUV’s or SUVs?

To find out, let’s first explore our hypothetical scenario a bit

further. Let’s say, hypothetically, that I hate these vehicles not

for the most common reasons -- fuel inefficiency, rollover dangers,

general silliness -- but for an even better reason: Sport utility

vehicles obstruct my view of traffic, hypothetically speaking of

course.

Just as some people (at least one I know of) protest the presence

of these vehicles on the freeways by not letting them cut into

traffic, others protest the widespread confusion about acronyms and

apostrophes by writing to me.

And, as always, I protest my own ignorance by opening a book and

pestering copy editors.

Acronyms are a no-no at most newspapers. Pretty much every single

copy editor I’ve ever heard discuss the topic has used an identical

term: “alphabet soup.” If you write, “The CIA and the FBI will

investigate the EIR and investments in an IRA affiliated with an HMO

PDQ,” readers just kind of glaze over. So you can work at a newspaper

a hundred years and never have to learn how to deal with acronyms.

I was well into that hundred-year blissful ignorance when on

Friday I realized I needed a column topic and dipped into my

bottomless magic carpetbag of stuff I don’t know.

Lo and behold, now I know. And the answers are surprisingly

simple.

Most acronyms use capital letters and don’t get periods. Period.

A sport utility vehicle is an SUV. The Central Intelligence Agency

is the CIA. A chief executive officer is a CEO. An environmental

impact report is an EIR.

The last two examples are also a clues to a mistake I’ve seen a

lot. Many people seem to think that any term that has a popular

acronym must necessarily be capitalized. Not so. An environmental

impact report is not a proper name, but its acronym is capitalized.

OK?

Now we know that one vehicle I may not let in front of me in

traffic is an SUV (and we can all chant together: “hypothetically”).

But how about more than one?

Say that in my 50-mile commute I manage to deny four or five such

vehicles a chance to get in front of me every single day. That means

four or five huge walls on wheels don’t get the opportunity to

obstruct my view of traffic, thereby endangering my safety by

rendering me unable to see life-threatening road hazards just a few

yards ahead of me.

That would mean that I’m a discriminating jerk to drivers of SUVs.

A lot of people want to put an apostrophe in there, just as a lot of

people want to sit taller than others as they drive down the freeway,

a clear view all the way to the horizon. But there’s no need. With

most acronyms, no apostrophe is needed before the S when you make it

plural.

As you’ve probably guessed, there are exceptions and, more

annoying, contradictions between some authorities.

For academic titles, for example, the Chicago Style Manual and the

Associated Press Style Guide both say to use periods: Ph.D., M.A. The

Los Angeles Times Style Guide says to omit the periods: PhD.

But these sources disagree on the plural forms. Chicago says that

for “abbreviations with two or more interior periods or with both

capital and lowercase letters form the plural with an apostrophe and

an s.” So your faculty consists of M.A.’s and Ph.D.’s. But in Los

Angeles Times Style, it would be PhDs.

See why so many people hate grammar? Allow me to give you a simple

guideline that won’t please all the people all the time, but will

give you a defensible option: No periods and no apostrophes ...

unless (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?) following those rules

makes your meaning less clear.

For example, if you’re writing a sign that will be posted on the

wall of a bank and the sign reads in all capitals, “WE OFFER CD’S AND

IRA’S,” Go ahead and put in the apostrophes because that’s the only

way to make it clear that the S isn’t part of the acronym. If anyone

gives you any grief, go ahead and invoke my authority: “June said I

could.”

Ditto for “mind your p’s and q’s” and similar cases in which the

apostrophe is the only way to make clear what you’re trying to say.

So, when you see a hypothetical bumper sticker on a hypothetical

Hyundai that says, “I DON’T BRAKE FOR SUV’S,” you’ll know that the

hypothetical driver isn’t crazy or even jealous. She’s clearly in the

right.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE covers Newport Beach and John Wayne Airport. She

may be reached at (949) 574-4232 or by e-mail at

june.casagrande@latimes.com.