Trading the tundra for an ocean view

Violet P. Woodhouse is a successful Newport Beach-based trial

attorney, negotiator and one of the nation’s top financial advisors

on complex divorce issues.

Woodhouse is also a successful author of “Divorce & Money: How to

Make the Best Financial Decisions During Divorce,” now in its sixth

edition. Woodhouse grew up in remote areas of Alaska, made her way to

California in the late ‘60s and has been here ever since.

The Pilot’s Luis Pena recently sat down with the 55-year-old

attorney.

Where did you grow up?

I was born in a little fishing village in the Bering Sea. The name

of the little town is Naknek, Alaska, and I lived there for five

years. And then I moved to, also in Alaska, a place called Palmer on

just a tiny farm until I was 16. That’s where I grew up: the tundra.

It was a very safe place, it seemed to me, at least I felt safe

there. Very safe, very small community, everybody knows everybody --

it was a wonderful five years. On the farm, that was a lot of work. I

learned how to work there. I also learned the importance of work.

What kind of childhood did you have?

I had a very complicated childhood. Life in Alaska is not like

life here, it just isn’t. It’s very different, it’s very tough. Life

in Alaska, when I grew up, there was nothing easy about it. In

Alaska, when I was on the farm, there was this big dairy farm across

the road where we were ... In a dairy farm, they kill almost all of

the male calves. They only have meat for female cows, because cows

have calves, and also because they give milk, so they kill the male

calves. They used to kill them in the driveway going up to their

house across the street, but right across from where we lived, so we

would see the calves being killed. And one time I went over there

because there was this beautiful little Holstein calf that they were

going to kill, and I asked them if I could have the calf, and they

gave it to me about a year later. Palmer, Alaska, which is where I

lived, is the center for the state fair in Alaska and I had trained

that calf to walk behind me by having feed in a can and having it

smell the feed so he’d walk behind me. Anyway, I took him to the

state fair and won first prize. His name was Sam.

How did you end up in Newport-Mesa?

I actually had a stop in Portland, [Ore.], for a year or so and

then I moved from Portland in 1969 to San Francisco in a little

Volkswagen with all my belongings in it. That’s where I stayed and

got a job. I went to Portland because my mother and father had

divorced and my mother lived in Portland, and I really disliked

Portland because it was six months of brutal cold, windy, cold

freezing rain and it was gray. It was dank and dark for six months

and I just didn’t want to live there. I loved the sun and there just

wasn’t enough of it there. I got in my car and drove to San Francisco

and got a job. I got married in 1975, and my husband was going to a

pharmacy school up in San Francisco, which is where I was at the

time. And then he did a residency at UCI here in Irvine and that’s

how we ended up in Southern California. California is perfect. Coming

from Alaska, I migrated south. This is where I’m roosting, this is my

home. I felt at home here.

What are your greatest accomplishments?

My two children both of whom are in the service. They’ve

successfully have become adults. Anybody who has ever had children

knows how really terribly difficult it is to raise children. My

children have never been in trouble with the law. They’re both

self-supporting, self-sufficient, responsible, work hard and know the

value of work.

If you could re-do one moment or incident in your life what would

it be?

I don’t think there are any. I tend not to look at life that way I

guess. I value even mistakes that I make because it’s only through

those mistakes that I learn from those mistakes. In other words,

making a mistake is not a problem, it’s only if you never learn from

your mistakes that it becomes a problem. Not that it doesn’t cost you

grief or that it doesn’t cause you pain, but simply that the only way

that we can get better is to learn from our mistakes. People tend not

to learn by what other people say or by necessarily even observing

other people. They tend to learn by the mistakes that they make.

What profession other than yours would you like to have tried?

I guess I don’t think of things like that either because I think

that’s negative. It’s like having regrets. I think that if I wanted

to do anything, I could do it. I guess that’s the way I feel. And

what I wanted to do is what I did. I’ve done what I wanted to do. If

I had more time, I would like to write more books. As to a

profession, I can’t think of another profession that I would want to

do.

What are some differences between a typical day in your life now

versus a day in your life 20 years ago?

I had young children, that makes a lot of difference. Twenty years

ago I would have had a 1-year-old son and a 4 1/2-year-old daughter.

That would mean that I would have been concerned about day care,

concerned about my obligations as an employee, conflicted about my

duties as an employee and my duties to my children. Not that I would

ever make the wrong decision, but still, when your child is sick,

you’re primarily responsible for taking care of the child. Well I

was, anyway. I have conflicts about that. I don’t have that anymore.

My children are all adults and they’re all grown and they’re both in

the service, so they don’t live close here, they don’t live in Orange

County. My son is in Okinawa and my daughter is on Travis Air Force

Base. When I get up in the morning, I’m focused on going to work ...

I’m focused on going to work and making sure that whatever I have

scheduled that day has been done. Twenty years ago, I was bathing and

feeding children.

What is the greatest lesson you’ve learned in your life?

There are three of them: communication, negotiation and

compromise, because those are the key elements to a successful

marriage or any kind of successful relationship -- not just a

marriage, any successful relationship. Both parties have to be able

to communicate, negotiate, and compromise. And I don’t mean that in

the sense that you’re compromising your dreams away, that’s not what

I’m talking about. I’m talking about the ability to have a successful

marriage or relationship with anyone that you choose.

What do you treasure most?

You know what I really treasure most: peace and quiet. Listening

to the birds, warm sunny days -- that’s what I treasure most, because

it grounds me. I love to look at the ocean because it grounds me.

Those things tend to put my life and thoughts and feelings in check.

They tend to take any ideas of self-importance away. It tends to have

you put into perspective your own life. All that stuff humbles me.

The ocean humbles me. All you have to do is look at the enormity of

it or feel the power of a wave and it basically tells you how

important you are in the major scheme of things.