For people who couldn’t care less about...

For people who couldn’t care

less about candy hearts ...

If you think Valentine’s Day is a trumped-up holiday, a marketing

scheme with a Hallmark hangover, a socially constructed concept

created to fatten the wallets of the candy, card and flower

industries, we’ve got the day for you, too.

You might be the type who avoids restaurants like the plague,

cringes at the color pink, gags at the taste of candy hearts and

wages war on all sappy love songs.

Or you might believe that love should be heaped every day of the

year, not just on Valentine’s Day.

THE DAY

* Wear black.

* Glare at people who are receiving valentines, flowers or

chocolate when you’re not. Grumble things at them under your breath.

* Calculate the calories for everyone eating Valentine’s Day candy

and inform them that it will, indeed, affect their waistline.

* Slam the door on the singing telegram people.

* Call your ex and lie to him or her about your hot date.

* Play Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” on repeat all day

long.

* Go do all the things that “significant others” don’t want to do

with you: Go shopping or sit at a sports bar and have a beer with

fattening foods and watch games all day.

* Rent “Heathers.”