Local renovation goes to the extreme
PETER BUFFA
Ever seen the TV series, “Extreme Makeover”?
It isn’t complicated. People who were behind the door, in the
restroom or just plain missing when they gave out the good looks
volunteer to be stripped down, spruced up, reinvented, et cetera, by
a small army of designers, hair stylists, plastic surgeons, dentists,
et al, which means among others.
They are shipped off far away from friends and family for a month,
and if you can’t guess the last scene in every week’s show, go to
your room and don’t come out until I call you.
Yes, you are correct. On the “before” side of the screen, they
look like the troll under the bridge, and on the “after” side they
look like Pierce Brosnan.
When they get back home and step through the door, everyone
shrieks and gasps, the significant other says “I can’t believe it ...
you look so different!” More gasping, more shrieking, kiss kiss, roll
the credits, fade to black.
Now, imagine the same thing only with a house instead of a dweeb.
Get it? You got it. It’s called “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and
it premiers tonight on KABC-TV, known to some as Channel 7. They take
an ugly pug of a house and a few days later -- bam -- it looks like a
zillion dollar stunner in Emerald Bay with a view from here to Maui.
OK, not quite. But you get the point.
Can you guess where one of the gnome-homes slated to be extremely
made over is?
Boston? No.
Bakersfield? Not.
Baton Rouge? Nope.
You’re off by just one letter.
Costa Mesa, that’s where, which is so close you can almost walk
there from here.
Meet Tom and Deirdre McCrory, Eastside Costa Mesa residents and
the proud parents of two boys, 3 years and 21 months. In a few weeks,
the McCrory’s will be even prouder and even more parental, because
Deirdre is expecting triplets -- a condition obstetricians refer to
as “extremely pregnant.”
The McCrory’s home is cute but a little small and, umm, mature.
With three new McCrory’s backordered, either they or the house had to
go. When they heard about Extreme Makeover, Tom and Deirdre put their
hands up, way up, and said, “Take our house, please.” And that brings
us to Costa Mesa City Hall.
In December, Costa Mesa Development Services Director Don Lamm,
who is the Director of Development Services for Costa Mesa, got a
call from the company that produces the show, who said that Hollywood
was coming to town, if the town wanted them. The pitch went like
this: great exposure for Costa Mesa, major cha-ching for local
businesses but with just one catch: a remodel that would take 3 to 6
months in the real world would have to be done in one week for
Videoville.
That’s one week as in “seven days,” with every moment of it being
taped by a big, honkin’ Hollywood crew. That’s Hollywood crew as in
generators, RVs, grip trucks, honey wagons, jib arms, to say nothing
of a swarming, buzzing colony of production people and practitioners
of every building trade, many of them wearing pants they should
never, ever bend over in.
Pulling this off in a week would require a lot of participation
from the city, by traffic cops, planners, plan checkers, building
inspectors, fire inspectors, inspector inspectors -- all of whose
services would be paid for, handsomely, by the Extreme Makeover
folks.
Lamm bade the Hollywood Boulevardiers farewell then huddled with
City Manager Allen Roeder and His Honor, the Mayor, Gary Monahan.
They thought for a while, then thought some more, then pushed back
their chairs, put on their sunglasses and put their feet up on the
desk.
“They’re saying a 5-plus with a 10-share, but that’s all spin,”
said Lamm.
“Point,” said Roeder. “ABC, Sunday night, and the lead-in is weak.
But maybe it’ll get legs.”
“Look, it’s fresh, and their demo is a good fit with ours,” said
the Mayor Monahan. “I say we green light it.”
With that, all that remained was to see if the McCrory clan was,
in fact, the next lucky family whose house would fall then rise
again.
And so, on Wednesday last, the Extreme Makeover people came
rapping, tapping on the McCrory’s door, gave them the good news,
ushered them out of the house, into a limousine, and off to a
five-star resort in Arizona for a week of rest, relaxation and
wonderment about what was going on back home, or what used to be
home. I stopped by on Thursday to see what I could see, which was a
lot. It was the proverbial major production, with streets blocked
off, enough equipment and trucks to support the 3rd Armored Division
and an army of crew members walking fast, talking on cellphones and
radios, looking for other crew members, who were trying to find them.
One of the requirements, by the way, is that the neighbors have to be
ready, willing and able to put up with the madness, which goes on day
and night, for a week.
In fact, it all happens so fast that Gary Hook, a veteran Costa
Mesa building inspector, will be on-site, on-call, 24 hours a day
until the last nail is nailed, the last pipe is piped and the last
wire is wired. The production company is just tickled to pay the
overtime because, as anyone who has been through the remodeling
wringer knows, the idea of a full-time, on-site building inspector
would be way, way beyond cool.
According to Extreme Makeover executive producer Tom Forman, “New
construction in one week is sort of terrifying for everyone.” No,
Tom. New construction in a month is terrifying. In a week, it’s
horrifying.
When the McCrory’s return from their Arizona respite next
Wednesday, friends, family and neighbors will be waiting for them
outside their new door, which will be attached to their new house,
and a major rager block party will ensue.
By the way, here are two scoops that I picked from a highly placed
source at the city that shall remain unnamed. T
The McCrory’s may have been biting their nails about being picked
until Wednesday morning, but a handful of people at City Hall knew it
was a done deal weeks before that, although everyone had been sworn
to secrecy under pain of having to watch a one-hour interview with
Paris Hilton if they spilled the pintos.
And if clever Hollywood special effects are your thing, check this
out. The McCrory’s don’t know the genders of their soon-to-be
triplets yet, but the Extreme Makeover producers do. Now that’s more
impressive than morphing. I guess when you’re building a house in a
week, the colors in the babies’ room better be right.
The McCrory’s excellent home adventure episode will air sometime
in March. Check your local listings. I gotta go.
* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs
Sundays. He may be reached by e-mail at ptrb4@aol.com.
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