Local renovation goes to the extreme

PETER BUFFA

Ever seen the TV series, “Extreme Makeover”?

It isn’t complicated. People who were behind the door, in the

restroom or just plain missing when they gave out the good looks

volunteer to be stripped down, spruced up, reinvented, et cetera, by

a small army of designers, hair stylists, plastic surgeons, dentists,

et al, which means among others.

They are shipped off far away from friends and family for a month,

and if you can’t guess the last scene in every week’s show, go to

your room and don’t come out until I call you.

Yes, you are correct. On the “before” side of the screen, they

look like the troll under the bridge, and on the “after” side they

look like Pierce Brosnan.

When they get back home and step through the door, everyone

shrieks and gasps, the significant other says “I can’t believe it ...

you look so different!” More gasping, more shrieking, kiss kiss, roll

the credits, fade to black.

Now, imagine the same thing only with a house instead of a dweeb.

Get it? You got it. It’s called “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and

it premiers tonight on KABC-TV, known to some as Channel 7. They take

an ugly pug of a house and a few days later -- bam -- it looks like a

zillion dollar stunner in Emerald Bay with a view from here to Maui.

OK, not quite. But you get the point.

Can you guess where one of the gnome-homes slated to be extremely

made over is?

Boston? No.

Bakersfield? Not.

Baton Rouge? Nope.

You’re off by just one letter.

Costa Mesa, that’s where, which is so close you can almost walk

there from here.

Meet Tom and Deirdre McCrory, Eastside Costa Mesa residents and

the proud parents of two boys, 3 years and 21 months. In a few weeks,

the McCrory’s will be even prouder and even more parental, because

Deirdre is expecting triplets -- a condition obstetricians refer to

as “extremely pregnant.”

The McCrory’s home is cute but a little small and, umm, mature.

With three new McCrory’s backordered, either they or the house had to

go. When they heard about Extreme Makeover, Tom and Deirdre put their

hands up, way up, and said, “Take our house, please.” And that brings

us to Costa Mesa City Hall.

In December, Costa Mesa Development Services Director Don Lamm,

who is the Director of Development Services for Costa Mesa, got a

call from the company that produces the show, who said that Hollywood

was coming to town, if the town wanted them. The pitch went like

this: great exposure for Costa Mesa, major cha-ching for local

businesses but with just one catch: a remodel that would take 3 to 6

months in the real world would have to be done in one week for

Videoville.

That’s one week as in “seven days,” with every moment of it being

taped by a big, honkin’ Hollywood crew. That’s Hollywood crew as in

generators, RVs, grip trucks, honey wagons, jib arms, to say nothing

of a swarming, buzzing colony of production people and practitioners

of every building trade, many of them wearing pants they should

never, ever bend over in.

Pulling this off in a week would require a lot of participation

from the city, by traffic cops, planners, plan checkers, building

inspectors, fire inspectors, inspector inspectors -- all of whose

services would be paid for, handsomely, by the Extreme Makeover

folks.

Lamm bade the Hollywood Boulevardiers farewell then huddled with

City Manager Allen Roeder and His Honor, the Mayor, Gary Monahan.

They thought for a while, then thought some more, then pushed back

their chairs, put on their sunglasses and put their feet up on the

desk.

“They’re saying a 5-plus with a 10-share, but that’s all spin,”

said Lamm.

“Point,” said Roeder. “ABC, Sunday night, and the lead-in is weak.

But maybe it’ll get legs.”

“Look, it’s fresh, and their demo is a good fit with ours,” said

the Mayor Monahan. “I say we green light it.”

With that, all that remained was to see if the McCrory clan was,

in fact, the next lucky family whose house would fall then rise

again.

And so, on Wednesday last, the Extreme Makeover people came

rapping, tapping on the McCrory’s door, gave them the good news,

ushered them out of the house, into a limousine, and off to a

five-star resort in Arizona for a week of rest, relaxation and

wonderment about what was going on back home, or what used to be

home. I stopped by on Thursday to see what I could see, which was a

lot. It was the proverbial major production, with streets blocked

off, enough equipment and trucks to support the 3rd Armored Division

and an army of crew members walking fast, talking on cellphones and

radios, looking for other crew members, who were trying to find them.

One of the requirements, by the way, is that the neighbors have to be

ready, willing and able to put up with the madness, which goes on day

and night, for a week.

In fact, it all happens so fast that Gary Hook, a veteran Costa

Mesa building inspector, will be on-site, on-call, 24 hours a day

until the last nail is nailed, the last pipe is piped and the last

wire is wired. The production company is just tickled to pay the

overtime because, as anyone who has been through the remodeling

wringer knows, the idea of a full-time, on-site building inspector

would be way, way beyond cool.

According to Extreme Makeover executive producer Tom Forman, “New

construction in one week is sort of terrifying for everyone.” No,

Tom. New construction in a month is terrifying. In a week, it’s

horrifying.

When the McCrory’s return from their Arizona respite next

Wednesday, friends, family and neighbors will be waiting for them

outside their new door, which will be attached to their new house,

and a major rager block party will ensue.

By the way, here are two scoops that I picked from a highly placed

source at the city that shall remain unnamed. T

The McCrory’s may have been biting their nails about being picked

until Wednesday morning, but a handful of people at City Hall knew it

was a done deal weeks before that, although everyone had been sworn

to secrecy under pain of having to watch a one-hour interview with

Paris Hilton if they spilled the pintos.

And if clever Hollywood special effects are your thing, check this

out. The McCrory’s don’t know the genders of their soon-to-be

triplets yet, but the Extreme Makeover producers do. Now that’s more

impressive than morphing. I guess when you’re building a house in a

week, the colors in the babies’ room better be right.

The McCrory’s excellent home adventure episode will air sometime

in March. Check your local listings. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached by e-mail at ptrb4@aol.com.