Nixon in Fantasyland

JOSEPH N. BELL

The Yorba Linda branch of Disneyland is being given a makeover, thus

depriving me of my favorite place to take visitors. First-timers

always want to visit Disneyland, and when I explain to them that

Fantasyland has set up shop at the Richard Nixon Library and

Birthplace in Yorba Linda, they want to go there, too -- especially

the retired editors from Manhattan with whom I used to work.

They have never been disappointed, surfing with wonder through the

Watergate exhibit, which made it clear that it was the media and not

Nixon that should have resigned; listening to the “smoking gun”

recording, in which the interpretation of Nixon’s words took up a

great deal more time than the words themselves; and exchanging bon

mots with the Talking Nixon, which might be the only quiz show extant

-- except, perhaps, for questions about the existence of weapons of

mass destruction -- in which the answers preceded the formulation of

the questions.

Now, the feds are going to move in and turn this imaginary land

into a reality show and thus destroy the innate charm of the place

that our guests have always enjoyed. The Nixon Library is the only

presidential museum or library that was created and has remained

staunchly in the hands of personal and political supporters. This has

led to some fascinating spins on history that contributed heavily to

its site rejection by UC Irvine and its enthusiastic embrace by

elderly Republicans and liberal journalists looking for an idea for a

column.

That will all be changed when federal archivists arrive in Yorba

Linda with several tons of presidential papers held, until now, in

Washington. These papers will be converted into a true library rather

than a spin factory by the archivists and will eventually be

accessible to scholars, historians and members of the general public

who would like to know what really took place during the

administration of our only president ever to resign his office.

It’s not clear at this point what will happen to the Talking Nixon

when the archivists take over. In case you haven’t met up with him, I

urge you to visit the Nixon Museum before the feds impose some sense

of dull objectivity on the proceedings there. The Talking Nixon holds

forth in a small theater where a computer in the rear starts you with

a list of 22 categories of questions. Each time you select a

category, a bunch of subcategories come up until you finally get down

to specific questions.

When I asked, for example, “Was your first political race [against

Jerry Voorhis for a seat in Congress] a mudslinging campaign?” --

Nixon biographer Howard Morris called it “Red-baiting” -- the Talking

Nixon answered earnestly: “No, it was very gentlemanly.” That’s the

way it goes.

I have a list of questions in a desk drawer that I still want to

ask him, and I jot down additions occasionally. For example: Why, oh,

why, didn’t you destroy those tapes when it was still possible? Did

you really believe that Helen Gahagan Douglas was a communist? Who

advised you not to shave before the Kennedy TV debate? Did you ever

visit any of your associates who went to prison after Watergate? What

is Henry Kissinger really like? Stuff like that I hoped to find

answers to buried in the tapes of the Talking Nixon.

I admit to being a presidential museum and library junkie. I’ve

visited eight of the dozen listed by the National Archives and

Records Administration and hope to catch up with the rest one day.

The most splendid I’ve seen is the Eisenhower spread in Abiline,

Kan.; the most pretentious, Warren G. Harding’s tomb in Marion, Ohio;

the most self-serving, Herbert Hoover’s museum in West Branch, Iowa;

and the most fascinating, the Franklin Roosevelt home and library in

Hyde Park, New York. In general, the Democrats are more interesting

because their museums include heavily critical and often humorous

material that offers a real sense of the political climate in which

they served.

All of these facilities have been under varying degrees of control

by federal archivists from the beginning. Only Nixon’s wasn’t -- and

now soon will be. It’s ironic that this is happening under arguably

the most secretive administration in our history. Nixon, who also ran

a tight ship, must be oscillating in his grave at the thought of

bureaucrats -- even if they are respected historians -- running his

library. It would not reassure him to know that, according to a

National Archives official, future visitors will soon be able to

expect “a more objective, historical point of view.”

That might exclude our house guests who are looking for fun and

games. So I’m probably going to have to replace the Nixon Library and

Birthplace on our visitor’s itinerary soon.

The newly re-named Angel Stadium is a possibility, especially

since the acquisition of Vladimir Guerrero, but that is seasonal.

Attending any Costa Mesa City Council meeting (or a Newport Beach

Council session if Greenlight is on the agenda) might work. So would

checking out the John Wayne statue at our airport. Or sitting in on a

Robert Dornan campaign speech, but that is seasonal ... and currently

non-existent.

I suppose we could even have a look at the ocean, but if you have

some other ideas, let me know. We have people coming in March and

April.

Meanwhile, I’ll try to get out to Yorba Linda for a last look

before the feds mess up all that creativity with facts. Or before

John Ashcroft finds out what the archivists are up to and sends them

all to Guantanamo.

* JOSEPH N. BELL is a resident of Santa Ana Heights. His column

appears Thursdays.