Barbara the bully

DANETTE GOULET

My tormentor’s name was Barbara Frost.

She was merciless.

I can’t quite remember if I was in the first- or second- grade

when it began, but she was several years older -- in fourth-, or

maybe fifth-grade.

She would sneer at and taunt my older sister, Lynn, and me at the

bus stop, on the bus and at school when possible.

I’d try to step onto the school bus and she’d grab the hood of my

winter coat and yank me backward, brushing by and onto the bus with a

contemptuous sneer and some nasty words, which always included

insulting names.

It began with my sister, who wore glasses and was rather bookish

-- the perfect target, Barbara seemed to think. I, as the fifth of

six children, was always dressed in hand-me-downs -- not the latest

fashions as Barbara was.

With Barbara it was mostly public humiliation and insults, with

the threat of violence.

I dreaded going to school each day because I knew I would have to

endure her scathing remarks and venomous glare.

She made my sister cry. I’m sure she made me cry too, but what I

remember is my sister’s red, tear-streaked face. I hated her. I hated

her for making me feel worthless and I hated her for making Lynn cry

like that.

It was my first experience was nastiness. She taught me what it

meant to hate. They don’t teach you that on Sesame Street or in

preschool -- although I suspect some children in Barbara’s preschool

class learned early.

Lynn got quieter and withdrew to books even more.

I became furious. I fought her and her nastiness every step of the

way. I was already a tomboy, I became resolute -- no one was going to

mess with me or my sisters.

I didn’t, in turn, become a bully, I just didn’t ever back down

from a fight. Show no weakness and what is there to pick on? That was

my mentality.

When I hear about female bullying, such as with the documentary

“Rats and Bullies” that Huntington Beach filmmaker Roberta McMillan

is making, I am reminded of my own experiences with it.

There were certainly other contributing factors in my life that

shaped who I was, but Barbara Frost and her bullying has a serious

and lasting impact.

There are much worse bullies out there, I know. And we all deal

with things differently.

Dawn-Marie Wesley, a 14-year-old girl from a small town in British

Columbia, hung herself after suffering threats and harassment by a

group of girls at her school.

It is not a problem that should be ignored.

Everyone has a story. Maybe it didn’t happen to you, but you’ve

seen it.

* DANETTE GOULET is the city editor. She can be reached at (714)

965-7170 or by e-mail at danette.goulet@latimes.com.