You shouldn’t count out mom and dad so quick

STEVE SMITH

They are newlyweds, a couple in their early 30s who eloped in Las

Vegas just a few months ago.

A few days ago, the husband was waiting to hear the verdict in a

trial in which he was accused of a very serious crime. If found

guilty, he was expected to receive a jail term of no less than three

years and no more than eight.

I know this couple. I know the husband much better than I know the

wife, but during this nightmare he has told me much about her and

although we’ve met only twice, I feel as if I know her fairly well.

Last Tuesday, he was on call to go back to court when the jury

signaled that it had finished its deliberations. I saw him on his way

to court and gave him my cell phone number. “Call me or have your

attorney call me when you know something,” I said.

He looked at me with a puzzled face and said, “Well, I’ll call

you.” It occurred to me then that he did not realize that if he was

convicted he would not be able to call me because he would be led

away in handcuffs.

A few hours later, his wife called and left a message. The jury

had found him guilty.

When she was called back, his wife said among other things that

she had not told her parents 30 miles away, her only immediate

family, about the charges against her husband, the trial or the

verdict. “They wouldn’t understand,” she said. Apparently, the only

person she decided to confide in was a cousin.

Years ago, there were things that I kept from my parents because

they, too, would not have understood. And while this man’s wife

probably attributes her belief in part to some cultural differences,

I always believed my parents were just too old or too obtuse to get

it.

That was a mistake. I realized later on -- too late -- that there

was very little I had been through or was going through that my

parents had also not experienced to some degree. When I was broke,

which seemed to be for a rather sustained period a long time ago, my

mom could have given me budget suggestions.

When I was single and going through my latest relationship

challenge -- also for a sustained period a long time ago -- I could

have asked my dad for advice.

But I didn’t.

I never gave my parents the chance because I knew it all. I knew

how to solve my own problems and I knew that they didn’t know

anything about what I was going through. What a mistake.

What I know now is that my parents not only would have jumped at

the chance to help me with advice, they would also have given me

advice that was worthwhile. After all, they had been throughout the

Great Depression and would surely know a thing or two about making,

spending and saving money. And having married outside their faiths,

plus having done some dating on their own prior to their marriage,

they probably could have told me what to do in many of the situations

I found myself.

But I never gave them the chance.

Now, this young bride of this convicted criminal is alone. Oh

sure, there are some friends around but she has shut out her parents.

That is a mistake.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.