Fighting political correctness like a person

ROBERT GARDNER

The other day I made a reference to a woman as chairman of something

or other. It was only a passing reference on the way to a point of

great interest and illumination, but I was derailed well before

making that point. It seems I had committed a faux pas in using the

word chairman for a woman.

I bow to no one in my support of equal rights for women. I was

raised by women. I lived with women (a wife and two daughters). I

feel that some of my most effective judicial prose was dedicated to

the protection of women in what is often an unfair society. This

whole thing about language, however, I just don’t get.

For centuries, the word man was used as an all-encompassing term

meaning not just males but all people. Then at some point in the 20th

century, “man” became a dirty word, and we’ve been struggling with

replacements ever since. One suggestion is to substitute the word

person. So, instead of speaking of the history of mankind, we

presumably should be speaking of the history of personkind. Thus, the

foreman of a work crew is transformed into the foreperson, a cowman

into a cowperson. Then there’s that big, heavy, iron lid in the

street. Once a manhole cover, to be consistent it should now be a

personhole cover.

Think of all the other changes we have yet to make -- the

individual charged with the crime of personslaughter, the police

going house to house on a personhunt, even poor old Robinson Crusoe

whose servant is now named his Person Friday. And what about the word

woman? If any word should be changed, it would be this one. From now

on we will be discussing woperson’s rights. There are some areas,

however, where I insist we draw the line. I refuse to imagine Captain

Bligh or Horatio Hornblower roaring, “Person the oars!” It just

doesn’t fly.

And that, more or less, brings us back to where we started, which

is the title of chair. We are advised that the invention of the wheel

was mankind’s (personkind’s) most important invention. If so, the

invention of the chair doesn’t lag far behind. Without it, we’d have

to squat or hunker down or assume some other position equally painful

to a person of my years.

To me, a chair is something on which one sits. It is not, despite

the complaints of various wopersons, the individual in charge of a

meeting. While I’m not really jazzed about the term chairperson, I’ll

take it in preference to “chair.”

When Rose Bird became the first female (feperson?) chief justice

of this state, she automatically became chairman of the state

Judicial Council. Presto, all references to chairman were deleted and

“chairperson” was substituted. This caused great glee in the paper

and print industries because the state proceeded to grind out

thousands and thousands of new laws, codes and directives all

substituting “chairperson” for “chairman.”

Fortunately, some changes were less painful to the ear than

others, as when Workman’s Compensation became Workers Compensation.

As I’ve said, I’ll accept chairperson as infinitely more favorable

than “chair.” However, perhaps we struggle simply because we haven’t

taken the final step in the precise use of language. For that I

commend a certain lady who presided over an organization for

prostitutes. She referred to herself as “chairmadam,” and quite

properly.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge.

His column runs Tuesdays.