Choose your own adventures

CHERRIL DOTY

“Stories are equipment for living.”

-- Kenneth Burke

Story is a part of our everyday life. Listen to yourself and

others in conversation to see just how much of the content is story.

Be it fact or fiction, certainty or speculation, all is story.

Whether a writer by profession or a tinker, tailor, beggar man or

thief, we all attach story to the people and events we encounter.

What we don’t know, most of us tend to fill in. Much of life is spent

inside the stories we make up about what we chance upon in our daily

lives.

The stories we make up are based on what we do know, what we have

experienced, encountered, or merely had related to us. This custom is

so usual, so human, that it would be difficult to label it either bad

or good. It just is. However, tolerance, recognition of diversity and

a basic curiosity to know more of one another are useful tools here.

It is one thing to make up stories about others, quite something else

to use the stories to dismiss or judge one another.

The knowledge that we do project our own perceptions of the world

on others is essential in avoiding the trap of unduly judging. The

procedure of telling stories is a bit like the practice of

anthropomorphism. We give animals and birds human characteristics

based on the people we know and even those we do not. The large sea

lion becomes the master teacher for the pups in the water -- a

rambunctious and often unruly lot that won’t listen. We are aware of

this tendency even as we do it and no judgment is being made of

either the stern teacher or the feisty pups. It is essential to keep

this same mind set when creating story for and about other humans.

What we don’t know or don’t understand is ripe material for

filling the blank spaces we encounter. The human mind likes things

whole. Completion becomes a major concern in story-making and we move

with alacrity to find an answer -- any answer -- to fill in the gaps.

This can lead to judgments. It also can lead to the creative and a

world of possibilities that open to us.

Keeping the mind of a child is another essential tool in this

practice of making up stories. In keeping the mind of a child, we

must ask questions and more questions both of individuals and of

ourselves. In doing this, the mind stays open to the new and the

different and child-like imagination is actively at work.

Asking questions, seeking new knowledge about others is necessary

to character study. This can be done with interest and curiosity and

in a politic manner. If a person is to break out of his or her own

insular world, questioning people whose lives and responses are

vastly different is a way of understanding and enlarging one’s view.

Let’s take the example of the cabby with grimy hair and hands from

last week’s column. Am I standing in judgment? Do I think less or

more of him for the dirt? Based on my own experience, perhaps I think

he doesn’t practice self-care. But are there other possibilities?

Yes, of course. And here’s where the writer gets to play in the field

of possibilities. Perhaps he was up for more than 48 hours because of

work and his girlfriend giving birth after a grueling night of first

labor. No time for showering, he had to rush back to work knowing

that money would be tight now. On the way, he pulled over to change a

flat tire for a helpless-looking old lady. His cab is a mess, though,

reinforcing my original thought. I must choose for the sake of

completion. What ending will I choose? Which would you?

Some story choices are judgment calls; some are based on

discernment. Judgment is often automatic, while discernment is more

thoughtful, more mindful of factors that are at work in the mind. We

need to have an awareness of our own minds and how perceptions

influence us in order to avoid the trap of being judgmental.

Judgments also foster stereotypes. If my cabby is not viewed with

possibility in mind, then I risk making of him nothing more than a

stereotype. This character may not, then, be interesting. If I can

find in him attributes we will universally understand, this cabby is

more real.

Bottom line -- we can assume nothing. We must dig deep, reflecting

on our own reactions to the life we are presented, and then express

our own interpretation in the stories we relate, whether for daily

living or something creative. As with so much of life, awareness is

the key. It is important how we use the stories, how we make up the

pieces, and how we relate them. The stories are our equipment for

living and they generally mirror their maker. So beware.

* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist, and

walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. To comment or to schedule

a coaching session, contact her by e-mail at emmagine@cox.net or by

phone at 949-251-3993.