Lawn bowling for beginners

PETER BUFFA

It’s very civilized if you ask me. And you can never have too much

civilization, especially in times like these.

Tuesday was a red-letter day at the Newport Harbor Lawn Bowling

Club. A group of top tier, internationally ranked lawn bowlers from

the U.K., including world champion David Bryant, played a number of

matches at the Newport Harbor Club.

Bryant is considered the greatest lawn bowler of anytime,

anywhere, anyhow. You could say he’s the Derek Jeter of lawn bowling,

except he’d have to roll the ball to first, which wouldn’t work, so

forget that.

You probably don’t spend a lot of time thinking about lawn

bowling. To be honest, neither do I, but the story of the bowling

Brits and their Newport layover caught my eye. Having driven the

length of San Joaquin Hills Road for years, sometimes in one

direction, sometimes the other, I’ve passed the Newport Harbor Lawn

Bowling Club on the corner of Crown Drive more times than I can

count, and I can count really high. It’s always such a pretty sight,

with its well-groomed green and bowlers a-bowling, usually dressed in

white from top to bottom.

“What an attractive, civilized sport,” I say to myself, which

sounds weird when I’m the only one in the car, but I say it anyway.

The other reason I like lawn bowling, which I’ve never done, is

that it reminds me of something else I like, which I have done,

called bocce.

Please don’t say “bocce ball,” by the way. It’s just “bocce,” the

plural of “boccia,” which is Italian for “ball” or “bowl,” which is

probably much more than you wanted to know.

My grandfather had a country house on Long Island in Amityville --

yes, the same Amityville, and no I don’t remember any poltergeists --

with a nice bocce court. I was a squirt at the time but my father and

a small army of uncles and cousins would let me roll a ball now and

then, and taught me two things: how to play bocce and how to yell

things in Italian that would make my mother and my aunts smack me on

the back of the head, which taught me to keep my voice down. I guess

that’s three things.

Speaking of cousins, that’s exactly what lawn bowling and bocce

are, along with their French cousin, called “boules” or “petanque.”

They are all the descendants of a game that turns up in both ancient

Egypt and Rome, originally played with small stones, which eventually

became balls.

George Washington was an avid lawn bowler, as were most of his

over-achieving colleagues. But the game almost disappeared in the

States after the Revolutionary War, understandably enough.

In the late 1800’s, Scottish immigrants said “get over it,” and

started lawn bowling clubs in New York and New Jersey. Today, there

are about 130 lawn bowling clubs in the U.S.

Whether you take yours British, Italian or French, each version

starts much the same way. A white “target” ball, called the “pallino”

in bocce or the “jack” in lawn bowling, is tossed or rolled onto the

playing field. Bowlers then take turns rolling four balls, or bowls,

with two objectives in mind: getting their bowls closest to the

target ball, and knocking their opponents’ bowls farther away.

When that frame, called an “end” in lawn bowling, is complete, the

team with the ball closest to the target ball earns a point, which is

where the expression “touch that and I’ll kill you” comes from.

The process of trying to determine differences of a wee fraction

of an inch between balls is never dull.

In lawn bowling, being more civilized, there are careful

measurements and procedures to decide such things. In bocce, trying

to decide whose ball is the closest is like watching people trying to

perform a Greek tragedy in the stands at a Brazilian soccer match

during a hurricane.

Some players are screaming, some players are crying, and a few are

on their knees with their arms outstretched, screaming and crying.

But if you pay attention, you can learn a lot of new Italian

expressions.

I will rue the day I said this, but lawn bowling is a more highly

developed skill than bocce.

Lawn bowling is played on a manicured green with weighted balls

that a skillful bowler can control with nearly as much precision as

Phil Mickelson making a 40-foot putt with three breaks. Bocce is

played on a court of fine gravel or cinder, and physics will just not

allow you to control the ball as precisely as a lawn bowler. But it

is still a whole lot of fun.

Meanwhile, back on San Joaquin Hills Road, you should know that it

was quite an honor for the Newport Harbor club to have been picked as

one of the stops on the David Bryant tour, this being the British

bowlers’ first visit to the U.S.

The group is on a 21-day jaunt that will include a visit to that

hotbed of lawn bowling, Las Vegas.

According to Carolyn Tansey with the David Bryant Tour, “It gives

the English bowlers a chance to meet local people, really, and that’s

the main part.”

Yeah, but the Bellagio ain’t bad either. It was a major thrill for

the locals to bowl a few ends with David Bryant himself, who has been

playing since he was seven, which was 67 years ago.

“I’m very delighted to be here because I’ve never played bowls in

America,” Bryant said. Well, David we are delighted to have you and

hope you enjoy your stay in the colonies.

So there you have it. Lawn bowling. Keep one foot on the mat and

your bowl in the rink, and try for a toucher on your first roll.

I don’t know what it means either, but it sounds like good advice.

I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached by e-mail at ptrb4@aol.com.