Sex, lies and lays

JUNE CASAGRANDE

I call it the sexy mistake. So send the kids out of the room, cover

columnist Steve Smith’s eyes and prepare for today’s lesson on “to

lay” versus “to lie.”

Once upon a time, when I was an editor, the Times Community News

supplement where I worked received a letter about one of our stories.

A reporter had written something like “The police told the suspects

to lay on the floor.” I don’t believe that I had edited the story,

but worse mistakes than that have slipped past me, so I can’t really

plead innocence.

The reader was justifiably annoyed.

As I recall, her response was something to the effect of, “I’m

quite sure the police didn’t order them to make love on the floor.”

You see, the main difference between “to lay” and “to lie” --

setting aside the definition that means to tell a fib -- is that “to

lie” is something I do to myself. “To lay” is something I do to

something or, as that reader noted, someone else.

I lie on the sofa. I lay the book on the table.

The real difference is that “to lay” is what’s called a transitive

verb. It requires an object. You do it to something. “To lie” is

intransitive. It doesn’t need an object. I lie.

That said, here’s a quick quiz: Do you tell the dog, “go lay down”

or “go lie down”?

If you’re not sure or you answered “lay,” that’s because my

explanation above wasn’t very good.

The dog is the subject of the sentence. Even in an imperative

sentence, an order, the dog is still the one performing the action.

So, “go lie down” is correct. If you were telling the dog to return

your pork chop to the kitchen table, you might say, “Lay it down.”

That would be correct in that case because the dog is the subject and

it is laying down an object: the pork chop.

That’s the easy part. It’s easy to get confused in the past tense.

That’s because the past tense of “to lie” happens to be “lay.”

I know, I know. That stinks. But stay with me and I’ll keep it

simple.

Today, I lie on the gurney. (They don’t feed us very well here and

I’m perpetually weak). Tomorrow, I will lie on the gurney. Yesterday,

I lay on the gurney.

Everyone who thought it should have been “laid” please raise your

hand and then wash your brain out with soap.

“Laid” is the past tense of “to lay.” Today, I lay the book on the

table (or insert your own object here). Yesterday, I laid the book on

the table.

So, to recap, here’s the correct use of for “to lie”: Today, I

lie. Yesterday, I lay.

For “to lay”: Today, I lay the book on the table. Yesterday, I

laid the book on the table.

Compound past tenses add another thin layer of trickiness: The

past participle of “lie” is “lain.” While the past participle of

“lay” is just like its past tense, “laid.” In nongrammar

gobbledygook, that means you would say, “I have lain on the gurney

many times” and “I have laid down this book many times.

I explained this to the reporter who had written the story about

the police. He said he still didn’t understand why he had been wrong.

“The police told the suspects to lay ... “ is the past tense.

I used these examples to explain:

It’s, “I wanted to drive,” not, “I wanted to drove.” It’s “I liked

to think.” Not, “I liked to thought.”

These are all compound tenses that add a conjugated verb to an

infinitive. “I told” is past tense. You combine it with an infinitive

in these more complex cases, and the infinitive never changes: “to

walk,” “to think,” “to drive,” “to lie.”

The reporter still didn’t get it. (Please note that this reporter

is now a staff writer at the Los Angeles Times and I’m still

schlepping City Council stories for the community news division.) Had

this been a battle, I could say that I then laid down my arms and lay

down to die.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE covers Newport Beach and John Wayne Airport. She

may be reached at (949) 574-4232 or by e-mail at

june.casagrande@latimes.com.