Learning how to fight child abuse peacefully

MICHELE MARR

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month.

Several years ago, during a break from a meeting at the church I

was attending, I found myself sitting with a couple, listening to

them tell me about their children, their parenting and their

home-schooling methods, when their good-natured conversation abruptly

took an unpleasant turn.

A mix of disbelief and horror swept through me. I gave in to the

disbelief; I laughed. “You’re pulling my leg, right?” I asked and

looked intently for their confirmation.

This mother with sparkling brown eyes and a perpetual smile, this

soft-spoken father wearing a well-pressed white shirt and neat blue

suit looked at each other and then, with raised eyebrows, looked at

me. “No,” said the mother. “Why?” asked the father, smiling.

I felt my throat tightening and tears welling in my eyes. I

searched the face of this mother who had just told me that when her

children, ages 4, 6 and 7, were unruly, she put Tabasco sauce on

their tongues. And when they didn’t finish the food they were given

for snacks and at meals, the cost of the leftovers were deducted from

their allowance.

If worse came to worst, the father took an offending child to a

local hobby store to select an appropriately sized dowel for his or

her punishment. At home, he used it to whip the child until the dowel

broke in two.

I waited for his smile to segue into a laugh. Ha-ha. Gotcha! “He

who spares his rod hates his son,” this father said, in all

seriousness, instead.

Never mind that the Hebrew word for rod, “shebet,” means

“correction,” figuratively as well as literally “stick.” It’s the

same word used in Psalm 23’s “your rod and your staff, they comfort

me.”

Never mind that Scripture urges, “Fathers, do not embitter your

children, or they will become discouraged” -- Colossians 3:21, and

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in

the training and instruction of the Lord” -- Ephesians 6:4.

I didn’t sleep that night and after several nights when I still

was not sleeping well, I went to my pastor for counsel. To my

surprise, my concerns were heard nonchalantly.

It was a family matter, none of my business. They were the

children’s parents; they surely didn’t mean them harm. From all

appearances they were a happy family with three well-behaved

children. If I went to authorities outside the church, it would be a

most unchristian gesture. I would surely regret it.

As the recent sexual abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church

have made all too clear, the tendency in dealing with child abuse can

be to hush it up or turn a blind eye. It’s a disconcerting subject to

talk about, especially among those who are expected to love and

observe God’s highest standards.

Which is not to suggest that child abuse is found solely in the

closets of Christendom.

Three years ago, under the direction of Queen Rania, Jordan opened

the first center for abused children in the Arab world. A

psychologist employed at the center remarked, “It’s a new subject

that’s being talked about now, and people are not so comfortable yet

with it.”

In 1997, the 41st Assembly of Women of Reform Judaism drew up a

resolution on child abuse that acknowledged, “There is overwhelming

anecdotal evidence that [child abuse] exists in all branches of

Judaism. As a community, Jews have yet to acknowledge that not all

Jewish children are safe in their own homes. The ‘conspiracy of

silence’ once used to deny violence against women is now used to hide

abuse against children in the Jewish community.”

The resolution called on the whole sisterhood of Jewish women to

“become knowledgeable about domestic child abuse in their

communities” and to “work with community, advocacy and service

organizations to provide professional help for child victims and

their families ... including but not limited to support groups,

counseling and medical and legal services.”

The women assembled resolved to do many of the things that Prevent

Child Abuse America has been educating and encouraging people to do

for 30 years: reach out; raise the issue; know and remember the risk

factors; recognize warning signs; report suspected abuse and neglect;

take legislative action and stay informed.

According to a U.S. Health and Human Services report earlier this

month, 900,000 children were neglected or abused in 2002, the most

recent year for which statistics are available. Of those, 1,400 died

as a result. In Orange County, there were 27 reports of child abuse

for every 1,000 children.

It’s long overdue, in our communities and as a nation, for us to

heed the words of William D. Persell, bishop of Chicago: “Confronting

[abuse], stopping it and caring for those who are or have been abused

is the responsibility of us all ... May we pray for the strength and

courage to struggle and eradicate abuse from the church’s life, and

from our homes and communities, and to be vigilant in protecting the

most vulnerable among us.”

For more information on child abuse, National Child Abuse

Prevention Month and how you can take part in it, go to

https://www.preventchild

abuse.org and https://www.stops-hear.org.

* MICHELE MARR is a freelance writer from Huntington Beach. She

can be reached at michele@soulfoodfiles.com.