Advice to use on a trial basis

STEVE SMITH

My brother-in-law, Bud West, has some good advice for the parents of

younger children: “Don’t ever say anything bad about kids older than

your own.”

It’s a good rule to follow, but I’m sorry, this next one is a

no-brainer.

Gregory Haidl is the son of wealthy Newport Beach businessman Don

Haidl. Just how wealthy I’m not sure, but I believe I saw the figure

$100 million in print a few days ago. Most of the reason it’s

important to point out Don Haidl’s wealth is because it shows that

money can’t buy a good moral compass.

Gregory Haidl, 18, is accused with two other boys of the rape of a

16-year-old girl. According to police the three boys used various

objects -- among them are a pool cue, a cigarette and a fruit juice

container -- to assault the girl while she was unconscious on a pool

table in Haidl’s Corona del Mar home.

The defense claims that the girl was conscious and a willing

participant.

To that, I say, “So?”

Just as in the Kobe Bryant rape case, where everyone has focused

on whether the coupling was consensual, the Haidl case has focused on

whether the girl was aware of and approved of what was happening. And

just as in the Bryant case, the defense is eager to show that the

girl was no Mary Tyler Moore. That’s standard operating procedure in

trials such as these.

What surprises me is the lack of outrage over the boy’s alleged

behavior even if the girl was conscious and even if she authorized

this escapade. Forget for the moment that any of this is a crime.

What these boys are accused of doing is sick and disgusting. Yet, I

haven’t read a single word of remorse or outrage by any parent of any

boy.

Where is the father’s outrage over his son’s behavior, criminal or

not? Where is the parental leadership that has a strong father

saying: “My son is not guilty of rape. But his participation in these

acts saddens and sickens me. I did not raise my son to treat women

this way and I am taking strong actions to make him accountable for

his actions.”

But I have seen not one shred or remorse or sorrow over Haidl’s

participation. Oh, I forgot, you can’t say “sorry” because that may

be construed as an admission of guilt.

But wait, there’s more!

Since his arrest on the initial charges, the younger Haidl has

been detained by one law enforcement agency or another three times.

Once, he was allegedly in possession of a small amount of pot. The

last time, he was reported to have assisted in the removal of a

handrail from a condominium complex so he could use it for skateboard

practice. Other accusations include trespassing and vandalism. In the

handrail incident, the alleged victim -- the homeowners association

-- did not press charges so no one went to jail.

After the handrail incident, Haidl’s father was quoted as saying,

“My son’s skateboard has now been reduced to about 100 small pieces.”

Now hold that comment while I give you one more.

After a hearing on whether Gregory Haidl’s bail should be

increased, a request that was denied, Haidl’s lawyer, Joseph G.

Cavallo said of skateboarding: “It’s Greg’s only release, the

skateboarding. But Greg probably needs to find another activity.”

Gee, ya’ think?

These spineless reactions to the misdeeds of Gregory Haidl are, in

my opinion, contributing to his multiple encounters with the law.

After his arrest on the rape charges, Haidl’s room should have been

cleared of everything except his bed, a lamp and a dresser for his

clothes. Then he should have been placed under “house arrest” by his

father, even if he had to use some of his money to appoint some beefy

guardian to watch his kid all day while he went to school or work or

whatever it is he is doing during the trial.

But go outside with friends? No way, not even a phone call to or

from a friend until this thing plays out.

The adults in charge of Gregory Haidl’s criminal case and life

seem to have difficulty figuring out what he should be doing in his

off hours, so here are a few suggestions:

1. Perform some community service. This kid needs to understand

how much he’s blowing it. Dishing out meals to the homeless or

clearing weeds in the sun is a good start.

2. Consider enlisting in a branch of the armed forces when the

trial’s over. I know that there are some veterans out there who will

write in to state that the purpose of the armed forces is not to

straighten out kids, but that’s often the reason people enlist. Why?

Because it works.

3. Say you’re sorry. If Gregory Haidl can’t say he’s sorry for the

night on the pool table because it may be used against him, he should

hold the apology until after the trial. In the meantime, he can

apologize to his dad, the homeowner’s association and to the

taxpayers of Orange County for having to spend money detaining him

three times since his arrest.

There’s some unsolicited advice to a parent with a kid older than

mine and I don’t care.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.